Friday, 30 November 2007

Well done Kieran

My little boy, Kieran got a certificate at school today. I bought him some new football boots a couple of weeks ago and has been so proud of them. He has taken them to school and played football. He got a certificate from his headmaster in his good work assembly, they have one every Friday.
He said he was in goal and was told he was very good. Considering we have no one in our little family that follows football, he has chosen it for himself. He brought home a medal that he was presented with yesterday and didn't want to take it to school today. I also spoke to his teacher about his school work and he was very pleased with the way he is progressing.
It has been such a busy day, what with sorting out the finances, assemblies, and holidays, I also went Christmas shopping with my sister and eventually sat down at 9:15pm.

Thursday, 29 November 2007

Bernie Banton

Bernie Banton was a sufferer of Mesothelioma and sadly lost his battle with peritoneal Mesothelioma at 1am 0n 27th November 2007. He lived in Sydney, Australia and was highly praised for his tireless work with highlighting the issues surrounding asbsetos and Mesothelioma. The worlds first asbestos research centre will be named after him. The multi-million dollar centre is being set up to find new treatments for the disease. May I take this opportunity to say y thoughts are with his family.

The link below details more about Bernie and his campaigning.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/bernie-banton-dead/2007/11/27/1196036838655.html

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/11/29/2105643.htm

http://www.theage.com.au/news/National/Bernie-hopes-for-justice-in-time-for-Christmas/2004/12/18/1103312783973.html

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2007/11/22/1195321951509.html

Wednesday, 28 November 2007

thinking of the future

We had a lady in work today who was selling usbourne books. I had a look at the books and picked out some for my little boy for christmas, he loves joke books especially the unfunny ones : ) One book caught my eye, It was a book about growing up and on the cover were questions.
How will I have my first shave?
Why are girls different?
What is testostorone?
I thought I would get it for him and then it hit me......Will I be here when he has these questions?
I left work and went to my sister's for a good, strong hug and to bawl my eyes out. It isn't often that I get a wobbly moment but this was a major one.
My sister was wonderful and told me I have every reason to feel like I do and listened to me blubber on (thanks Sis x).
I really hope I am, I am going to put it in his memory box as it will be really helpful to him anyway. I may well be here and will definatley help him with his questions, although, I do have to fight him for a kiss!

There are really lovely responses on the newspaper site this evening. Thank you for taking the time to write in. I appreciate it and all these negative comments will only spur me on to raise more awareness of Mesothelioma and Asbestos.

Tuesday, 27 November 2007

Thank you

I want to say a big thank you to all those of you, especially Suzanne, who responded in the paper and those who have sent emails of support and to family, friends and workmates who have supported me while I have been attacked for my payment.
I am rising above it and just thinking about my family and the future we have left.
I do appreciate any comments and I knew some people would not be happy but to be attacked in this way for getting an illness through no fault of my own is wrong.
Once again, thank you, I appreciate it.

Debbie

Monday, 26 November 2007

Debate online - local paper

There has been a debate printed in my local newspaper concerning my pay out. Although I have not let out how much I have recieved, some people are not happy as my payment (they think) is in excess of what they would get. One person has accussed me of dragging my family through the press which I haven't. I don't feel I have to justify myself to anyone and have asked in the forum if the person/people complaining would honestly sit back and say/do nothing if they were in this position. I don't think they would. I am not entitled to Industrial injury benefit which is included in the link below.
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/FinancialSupport/OtherBenefitsAndSupport/DG_10020628

I have a lump sum payment of 6 figures, that is all these people know. As I have said before, do not knock me, if you want to vent your anger, direct at those who gave us this life sentence.
The article is contained below.

http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=133188&command=displayContent&sourceNode=133171&contentPK=18958606&moduleName=InternalSearch&formname=sidebarsearch

On a lighter note, my eyebrows are growing back. I have been without them for about 10 months and have been thinking of having them tattooed on. I have lost them due to Alopecia and not chemo as I have not had any. They are pure white so I will be tinting them when the time is right.

Sunday, 25 November 2007

feeling unwell

I really gutted my bedroom yesterday. I have moved furniture, thrown out stuff that had been hanging around for too long and I think I did too much.
I am feeling cold and shivery and my poor little limbs are aching. I don't like anything beating me and have a persistant son who wants to see his friend today. I am also trying desperatly to get something to take to work tomorrow, I am helping to build our ice palace scene for Christmas.
I need another week off work to get myself ahead of all these projects. I have used up all my holiday and have to squish it all into 3 days. It is good to keep busy but at times I need to listen to my body when it says slow down.
It will all be fine tomorrow, I will try and lay off doing too much today.

Saturday, 24 November 2007

Blast from the past























I was given some memorabilia today by my sister. It had been found while she sorted out boxes at our home we lived in as children.

I couldn't believe it was still in the house. There was a newspaper cuttings which had to be from the late 70's and a membership card to the "official David Essex fan club".
I was in love with David Essex in the 1970's, as were many other teenage girls, and was so much in love that I joined the club which made me feel a bit closer to him. He had the most beautiful blue eyes and that dirty cockney look, like a gypsy, which mesmorized me.
I had all his albums at one time which have since gone. I also have an annual somewhere which was from the 70's. I had it bad :)

The Bay City Rollers were my favourite band back then and I was in love with Woody. I was so in love with him that my sister, Wendy, had made me a white jumper with a big red"W" on the front which was very similar to the one he wore. Of course I had to have trousers to go with it so armed with a pair of scissors, needle and cotton, a white bed sheet and my mother's tartan skirt, I set about making them, all hand sewn I might add and I was so impressed that I wore them to someones wedding. Don't know who it was getting married but I sat at the back in my gear and must have looked a right fool! AAhhh those were the days ......

Friday, 23 November 2007

Dedication

I am dedicating todays blog to Vanessa, Pamela and Wendy and their families. 3 wonderful ladies who have passed who were so passionate about life and helped to open a door that is so often closed.
Thank you to you and may you be remembered forever.
You have changed so many lives by giving up your precious time for the last 18 months and dealing with something that is usually so very private.. The support and information has been invaluable to me and hopefully, many others.
I also want to dedicate part of it to Dawn and Carol, may you conquer your battle and have many more precious years ahead.

Debbie x

Thursday, 22 November 2007

Tearful TV

I watched the Mummy diaries and I am left feeling with mixed emotions, sad because 3 of these wonderful ladies have since passed and warmth as I have learnt so much from it. Vanessa, Pamela and Wendy have, sadly, lost their lives this year. It is with sorrow that they will never know how they have helped other families deal with this worst of dilemmas. Thanks also to Dawn and Carol for also taking part. A lot of what was said was like listening to my thoughts and feelings spill out of the TV. It was brilliant. I would love to see channel 4 do a follow up in 6 months to see how all the families are coping and hopefully lots of positive news.
Thank you channel 4.

Wish upon a star
My call centre has very kindly said I can put up a Wish Upon a Star Starscape to raise money for the Winstons Wish charity that was involved in Channel 4s documentary mentioned above. A Starscape is a midnight sky wall display on which you, your friends and colleagues can stick a star, which is dedicated to somebody who is - or has been - special in your life. I am selling the stars for £1 or more if the person wants to, for more information and how to get your own starscape is in the link below:
Or if you want to buy the stars from me from me please let me know by emailing me and we will sort something out. I will add them to the starscape in Plymouth.
Ice palace
On a lighter note, my colleagues and I are decorating our part of the work area as an ice palace. I am painting all the stalalmite icycles ( Stagmalites as my friend Charlie calls them!) and also making lyrics of Shaking Stevens Christmas song " merry Christams every one" which will go around the area. I will add some pictures when it is done.

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

The last Mummy diary

Tomorrow night (22nd November 2007) is the last in the series of the mummy diaries.
It is an amazing programme so beautifully made and respectful of the families taking part.
I have been in touch with Dawn and she will be featured tonight and she has her own website which is featured below :
http://www.wigstowishes.org.uk/

She is so brave and positive, She and the 4 other mums have helped to bring this subject, that is never talked about, to the forefront. It is made with dignity and love.
Well done channel 4, it has been really helpful asI have now got memory boxes for my children and they are using them.

Just a footnote: my daughter has been chosen to illustrate the contents page of a local magazine. It is called 24/7 and is a music mag for the south west region. (link below)

http://www.twenty4-seven.co.uk/

I am looking forward to seeing it when it comes out in December,
Well done Siobhan, I am so proud of you. x

Compensation feed back

I have spoken to my solicitor and also to the person concerned. The person needs to get as much information as possible about the work history and get statements done. The person contacted my solicitor and he was very helpful. Hopefully something will come of it.
LAPLAND HERE WE COME!
I have had some good news from my work place, they are allowing me to have unpaid leave to go to Lapland with my children. I am looking forward to it so much. I will add more details when I know more. We will be going the week before christmas.......yahay!!

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

Information for compensation

I have someone who has got a second family member with this awful disease. The person wants information from a spouse of the first victim to continue with claim. The spouse is unwilling to forward any information and as time is of the essence, it is important that the person has this information.
I am adding this to the website in the hope that someone out there who could help with this?
If so, it would be appreciated if you could please reply on thread in message board or email me at Phu_phita@hotmail.com
Thankyou in anticipation of a response.

Monday, 19 November 2007

Meeting in Plymouth

I attended the Lowe family meeting today. It was very informal and we discussed issues surrounding Mesothelioma, claims and fund raising.
At the end of the meeting, a gentleman said he felt like a fraud because he has plueral plaque.
I told him that my dad had plueral plaque and he should not feel a fraud. Plueral plaque is caused by asbestos exposure and is not recognised as an industrial disease by the goverment to the joy of the insurance companies. This should be turned around as the person who has the disease can only get it one way, through exposure. This website is to support anyone with an asbestos related illness. I hope it is helpful and it is called Mesothelioma and me as it is about my illness and how I cope with it. the site is still available for support to other asbestos related illnesses.
We discussed Alimta which is up for appeal on 23rd November as it is available, at present, on the NHS in some areas and if the patient is recieving it before it was passed a few months ago. The appeal will hopefully overturn this ruling and it will be available anywhere to anyone who requires it.
More information can be found in the link below :
http://www.thompsons.law.co.uk/ntext/dismissed-appeal-mesothelioma-drug-alimta.htm

We discussed claiming when someone has asbestos illness. If the person recieves compensation for the illnes they have been compensated for, they have to pay back benefits that were paid out previous to the claim. This includes DLA, Attendance allowance, Incapacity benefit,Industrial injury benfit, Constant care allowance and Severe disablement benefit plus many more......(sounds like an ad for a CD!)
It all seems a little unfair but that is the law of the land.
More information can be found on this site :

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/advisers/gl27/count.asp

We also discussed Action Mesothelioma day and what Plymouth should do. Jackie Lowe thought of the enviroment and releasing balloons would not be an option. I suggested we have a fund raisnig awareness day and to start it we have a 2 mins silence for all those who have perished to Asbestos related diseases. It was also suggested that we could get some fish food type items, like flowers or leaves I suppose, to put on the water, something like the confetti for birds to eat.
Any ideas,please contact the Lowe family at :

LJacks2020@aol.com‏ and the website address for the Lowe family and their campaign is :
http://www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/index

or myself at Phu_phita@hotmail.com

It was a quiet meeting (apart from the little ones playing :) ) and the second one was talked of. It may be after Christmas as we are getting very close now.
Any feedback will be gratefully recieved.

Sunday, 18 November 2007

Meso meeting in Plymouth

The Lowe family have organised a support meeting in Plymouth on Monday 19th November at Tuscany's, Legion Lane, Brixton 11am-12noon.
Anyone interested is welcome to come along. Any questions I would be happy to take to the meeting with me.
The Lowe family have started a campaign in Plymouth.
The Roger Lowe Asbestos Mesothelioma campaign and was set up to bring awareness and support to those who need it.
The website address is :
http://www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/index

update on my diet

I started a yeast free, dairy free, sugar free diet o 26th October and I have to say it is quite hard. I thought it was going to be easy asI was a vegetarian but it isn't. The hardest part is going yeast free. I have tried soda brade and gluten free bread and they are not good. In the end I went back to bread and limited myself to 1 -2 slices a day sometimes less than that.
The sugar free has suprised me as I love chocolate and I haven't wanted it at all. I have also stayed away from alchohol.
I have started taking another supplement, B17 ( known also as amygdalin or laetrile). It is a vitimin that occurs nauturally in a lot of plants/vegetation all over the world. I take 1 100mg capsule a day.
B17 was reccommended to me by an ambulance attendant a while ago now and I have just got some and will see what happens. I also have 2-3 tablespoons of ground flaxseed in my juice every morning. This also contains B17. It is like drinking a glass ofjuice with bread crumbs in it but it is bearable and I have felt healthier since takin it. I have been taking the flaxseed for months. It is a good form of omega 3 and fibre.
I buy mine in Tesco's and it is expensive as is the B17 but if it works I don't mind.
You can find out more about these supplements on the links below.

B17 link :
http://www.canceractive.com/page.php?n=512

Flaxseed, this site is selling the product. I have added it for information only.

http://flaxseedorganics.com/whatis.htm

I hope this is helpful and if anyone has any other helpful hints please let me know and I will post it on here. I do think that taking the supplements has made a big difference to my immune system. When I am at work I am surrounded by people with colds and coughs and I know I have had my flu jab and that helps a lot but feeling in good health when having a sore throat has been wonderful. I don't have that run down exhausted feeling like I did before with colds. I am hoping that it is to do with the supplements and boosting my immune system. Immunology is the way to go for well being I am sure. Saying that, my hair is a mess..I have had alopecia for 4 years and have lost my eyebrows early this year since taking immune tablets, its a small price to pay and the wigs I wear take the worry away.

Saturday, 17 November 2007

Vaccine for non--small cell lung cancer

Below is a link for the trial of BLP25 Lipossomal vaccine (Stimuvax) for non-small cell lung cancer

http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=11226

I posted this on my website back in April and at the time the trials had not started.
I see that on the site it says they have now begun. It will recruit about 1,300 people with stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer from various countries around the world. BLP25 is a new and experimental, and is not licensed as a treatment yet. It is not currently available outside of a clinical trial. An international phase 3 trial is now open in a number of countries. While this trial is recruiting patients in the UK. It doesn't look like it is available for Mesothelioma at the moment but I would like to find more information about it.
If anyone finds anything about this trial, please let me know and I will post it here.

boots for Kieran

I went in to Plymouth city centre with My daughter, Siobhan and my little son, Kieran and it was lovely.
We had lunch in one of our favourite places, Hobbs coffee shop in Mayflower Street.
We then went and bought some new football boots for Kieran.
He has just started to play football at school and is very proud of his new boots.

He was not to keen on getting laces as he has dyspraxia which is an impairment or immaturity of the organisation of movement. It is an immaturity in the way that the brain processes information, which results in messages not being properly or fully transmitted.
He was so pleased to find some velcrow boots!
Siobhan only had a pot of ink...... I am sure she will have something else in the future. It was so great to see the city centre getting ready for Christmas.


Comment on payment

I have just read a comment posted on my local papers website.

http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=133188&command=displayContent&sourceNode=133171&contentPK=18958606&moduleName=InternalSearch&formname=sidebarsearch

The guy who commented thinks I only got the payment due to media coverage. This is not the case, I got the payment through the hard work and perserverance of my solicitor and the MoD admitting liability. If they thought for one moment that this payment was not backed up they would not have paid out.
The guy worked on warships and is angry because he cannot get a payment. He has every right to be angry and I am sure there are campaigns around that are fighting this corner.
I am sorry he didn't get his rightful payment but saying mine was due to media coverage is wrong.

Friday, 16 November 2007

Unhappy day

I have not had a good day in work today. I don't know if my home life is leaking into my work life but I have felt so tired and miserable today. I feel unsupported at times.
This is hard to deal with when I am stressed. It is a shame because I like my job but at times it is difficult.
I got my memory boxes yesterday and gave my 2 older children theirs. They do not want to talk to me about what is happening and I can understand that but I sometimes need to break out of the mum image and talk to them about the future.
I feel very lonely at times as I don't think anyone can understand the horrors in my head apart from the friends I have made who are going through the same thing. I have some very good friends who are supportive and try to see my point of veiw and it must be difficult for them.
I want to have a miracle, like all terminally ill patients. I have to realise that this is not going to happen. I would love to have 3 christmas wishes.

*1 - to abolish all asbestos from the 1800s to the present, that would mean going back in time and my dad would still be here and myself and many other people would have our future back.
*2 - to have a cure for all cancers.
*3 - I am not sure about this one but am sure I can think of something.

I am not sure how to approach my youngest but I think I will leave things as they are and focus on our time we have now. I don't know how long I have got and maybe I have got more than I think I have.
I really don't know what time is the right time to talk about the situation.
I will wait for them to talk to me first.
All I know is that I love all 3 of them so much I could explode and Idon't want to leave them.

Thursday, 15 November 2007

BIG THANKYOU

I would like to say a big THANKYOU to everyone who has sent emails and messages of support to me these past few days.
I really appreciate the comments and have responded to those who have contacted me.
The website has been a great advantage and I am meeting so many wonderful, brave and positive people.
Please keep in touch and let me know about any issues you feel could be of use to others in the same position.
Once again
Thankyou x
Debbie

Alimta appeal

The Mesothelioma cancer drug, Alimta is not available for use on the NHS unless the patient already having treatment. On 23rd April there will be an appeal to reverse this decision.
More information can be found below.

http://www.asbestosforum.org/campaigns_01.html

Personally, I am not having treatment at the moment but if I did decide to go through that avenue, I would choose Alimta.
I find it a disgrace that people who do not have the disease make decisions for people who do.
Mesothelioma sufferers have little or no successful treatments as it is...surely they are entitled to one that gives a litle hope..
Come on all you Local Primary health cares....turn it around and give the people who want a little more life a chance of that.

Wednesday, 14 November 2007

Staying awake!

I was up at 5am this morning and went TV studios in Plymouth to do a link up with GMTV in London.
It was so quiet outside. It is such a beautiful part of the day.

I had a coffee to give me a kick, I haven't drunk coffee with caffiene in for a while and I have given up on the caffeine free and stuck to green tea, so this was a first for a long time.
I went in and did the first slot at 6:15am, still realing from getting up so early! I was so tired I got the dates wrong for when my dad worked for the MoD. It was 1963 - 1966 and I said 1961 - 1963..!
I then had to wait until 7:40am to do the next one.I was entertained by the guys there as they were showing me around the studio and explaining their jobs and I watched as they did their stuff with the buttons and TV screen....amazing to the novice, very technical. I looked at the green board and the news room where the lovely Richard Bath (our presenter in Plymouth) sits.

I then left there and got to work for 8:00am start. WOW......I am so tired!!!

I finished at 8:00pm this evening and am ready for my bed.
The guys at the TV studio very kindly copied the interview for me.

It was another adventure for me and will hopefully get some people looking into this subject and get some more awareness out there.

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

GMTV

I have just had a call from GMTV.
I am going to the Plymouth studios and will be on at 6:10am and 7:10am (and as I am writing this, they have just rang up and changed the times!) It is now 6:15am and 7:40am.
It is going to be an early start tomorrow.
I had a call from local radio earlier and did an interview for them.
Apparently the story went on BBC news 24. This will hopefully help bring more awareness about Mesothelioma, asbestos and the whole subject in general.
I will write more tomorrow when I get home from work

ITV

ITV have come out to do a piece to camera concerning the MoD payout. It has been quite busy here with phone calls and friends wishing me well.
All in all it has been a very positive experience. I would like to direct myself into campaigning for more awareness about asbestos and also helping others in my situation.
I would really like something done about the Plueral plaque payouts as this has been stopped by the goverment and should be turned around. How anyone can say that Pleural plaque is not an industrial disease is beyond me. My father would not have had that illness if he hadn't worked with asbestos.

http://www.journalonline.co.uk/news/1004644.aspx

He was lucky enough to get the payment but that all changed in 2006. My father had Pleural plaque, we watched this strong, happy, positive man struggle to breathe, He has a walking stick and it did disable him. It took away the years he should have had and it removed him from our family. Like me, He should never have gone through it. One thing it didn't take was his character, he was so good to be with and loved his old black and white Charlie Chaplin films.
He had a great sense of humour and was always very wise.
I miss him and so do my children.

BBC and One year on

On 13th November 2006 I was given the confirmation I didn't want to hear, That I had Mesothelioma.
I had my 2 older children with me when I was told. My sister, Wendy came with me as did my good friend, Helen. They ave never left my side and are always avilable if I need them.

The BBC have been around to film this morning as I have made the news that I got my claim through official.
Hopefully all this publicity will focus on the wrong doings of this country and change minds about Mesothelioma and Plueral plaque payments.
I am lucky as I have no pain with my illness. I am relativly healthy apart from the odd breathless episode.
I have my family who keep me busy and I do try and keep things as normal as possible and to be honest, as I have said before, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR CANCER.
I want to start again when the money comes through and enjoy what is left of my life with those who care about me. I can't jump for joy with this payment as it is not a lottery win. It is what I would have earned if I had lived a natural life. I have always tried to keep myself fit, never smoked, vegetarian but my downfall has always been chocolate. I have now stayed off chocolate and beer for 2 weeks. I am a chocohalic and like the occasional drink and even I have impressed myself! Well done me : )

Monday, 12 November 2007

Smoking and asbestos

This is very interesting. I came across it in an auction site and have found more info. I can't bring myself to add the word of the smoking utensil as I have a phobia with the whole thing but apparrently, America used to put Asbestos in filters in the 1950's.
I will let you read it for yourself.

http://www.aliciapatterson.org/APF1005/Levin/Levin.html

Winstons wish

I wanted to include this site on my blog.
I am so impressed with the mummy diaries and the families involved that I am going to take the advice on board and create a box for each of my children.
It is going to be hard but seeing these brave, courageous families face up to what is devastating news makes me want to put it in place.

http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/

I do need to speak to my youngest son the most as my older children (especially my daughter who was sat beside me when I was told I had 6-9 months) have been involved by coming to appointments with me and supporting me when I feel down although we never talk about the situation as I am unsure of how to approach it.
My youngest son is also autistic which makes it harder to explain in a language he understands.
All in all they are wonderful children and I don't know how they feel as we don't talk about it.
I don't want to keep bringing up the fact that I am dying. It is something I hate talking/thinking about as I break down and cry every time. I don't want to pull them down and be on a misery mission. I want to live and to be posistive. Having Theo (my cancer) has changed my world.
I do my best to keep things as normal as possible and if not talking about it is going to help then, that is what I will do. I have ordered my memory boxes, one for each child and will fill them with thoughts and memories that my children can look at when ever they want to.
This is a wonderful service and I am sure that Winstons wish will benefit from the documentary.

Sunday, 11 November 2007

1 of the mummies from the diary

I have just found another blog written by a cancer patient.

http://www.wigstowishes.org.uk/

The site belongs to Dawn, one of the very courageous ladies featured in channel 4s new series "the Mummy Dairies".
It is a brilliant site and is very informative. She is raising money for treatment abroad as she cannot get the treatment she needs in the UK.
NICE (calling them NICE grates on me as they don't seem to be) Withhold many treatments which is wrong when they are freely available in a lot of other countries.
I hope she gets what she needs to survive and I hope the goverment watches the mummy diaries very closely as there are too many needless, premature deaths in this country.#
Good Luck Dawn.

And here she is.....

Introducing little Alisha-Leigh, born on Friday 9th November and weighing it at 4lb 12oz.
She is so tiny and looked beautiful in pink. Mum, dad and baby are doing well. She was 4 weeks early so is being watched closely. She had a most of her tubes removed today and just has one left for feeding her.
My sister and her husband are so proud and rightly so.
they have their hands full as their little dog had puppies, 5 of them!
They have little ones all aroung them. The puppies are around 2 weeks old now.

I was a little upset today due to negative comments from a family member and I am trying to move forward and be positive. Everyone is still hurting from losing my dad as we really miss him and have had a lot to cope with this past year.
I hope some issues can be resolved but I think I am being too optomistic. I don't think this can ever be fixed. I need to concentrate on making things as normal as possible for my family and stay positive for them as they never asked for all this heart ache.
I am going to be as positive as I can and focus on my children and the family and friends who really care about me.

Another great neice

Congratulations again to my sister, Wendy, and her husband, Chris, Who are, once again, proud grandparents to a new baby girl. Their son, Chris, and his girlfriend, Caroline have had a little girl. I am going to the hospital to see the baby today and will post more here when I have seen her.

Saturday, 10 November 2007

Still waiting

I am still waiting for the MoD to let me know about the payout. I am hoping that there will be official documentation next week.
It will be such a relief to be finished with it as it has been 10 months now and with Christmas and new year around the corner, it would be great to have that chapter of my life closed.
I want to concentrate on my children and what I have left of my future.
I still have to sort out my own funeral as I do not want my children to have to do it and that is going to be so hard.
I have a very good friend from work who has offered to help me and I am sure I will need it.
There is one more thing, I want don't want to be remembered for how I died but for how I lived and this life isn't over yet!

Friday, 9 November 2007

Hard day at the office.

It has been quite hard in work today, not just the 12 hour shift but the echoeings of last nights programme "the mummy diaries".
I have been really thinking about what I need to do for my babies,
I need to leave a memory box and a book as I want them to feel I am still here and still nagging at them even if it was from the pages of a handmade manual.

When I came home from work, there was complete uproar as the little one had had one of his outbursts and my older son had clashed with him. I come in and have to find some order in it and I do wonder what would happen if I wasn't there to hold it all together. Like all families, mine relies on me heavily. Shopping, driving, paying bills ect...I really don't have time for cancer!
I sometimes find this exhausting and feel I have no escape, only the predictable one.
I love my family to pieces and really want to be there as long as I can for them. I don't feel I can promise that and it hurts so much when I think about what will happen.
I have got a lot of anger also, anger that I even have to go through this. I know I will get the payout but that is worthless compared to what I am going to lose. I don't want to sound ungrateful as there are an awful lot of people with plueral plaque and Meso who will get nothing and that is something I would like to change.
I am going to start again when I get the payment...a new life with my children no matter how long it is.

Thursday, 8 November 2007

The mummy diaries

I have just finished watching a programme on channel 4 called the mummy diaries.

http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/M/mummy_diaries/

It is so beautifully made and has 5 very brave women talking about their illnesses and their families.
I broke down while watching it as it is something I need to face up to. I have to talk to my little boy about my illness and about the inevitable. It is something I cannot bring myself to do as I do not want to leave him. Maybe in my mind, if I don't tell him, I will stay. I don't want to admit it as I don't want to go anywhere. I want to be here for all of my children. I want to see my talented, beautiful daughter acheive her dream. I want to see my handsome, 18 year old son get a job and become independant and succeed in life and I want to see my gorgeous little boy grow up into an amazing adult.
Why is life so cruel? why now? why ever?
This series is so touching and I will be watching it again as it will help me talk to children about the future and what is going to be one of the hardest things we will have to go through.

Tuesday, 6 November 2007

Christmas shopping with my sis

I have had a lovely day out with my sister. We went into Plymouth city centre and started our Christmas shopping. I bought a fibre optic snowman, decorations and some gifts to wrap up.
We met up with another friend of mine for lunch and ambled around the shops for the rest of the day.
I have been in touch with my solicitor and there is a rumble in the jungle. Hopefully I will hear next week just what is offered. I want to get it all behind me as that way I can wipe the slate clean and begin to enjoy what I have left of my life. It may well be years, which I hope, whatever it is, this will help me rebuild and create a new future and come to terms with the illness.

Jehova anger

I am so angry this morning. I have just watched the news and saw that a woman who gave birth to twins has died as she refused a blood transfusion due to the beliefs of the Jehova church.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=491791&in_page_id=1770

When asked if it was a kind of suicide, a spokeman for this church said that it was not suicide and equated it with a cancer patient refusing chemo.
This really angered me as it is a completely different illness. She would have had life, a life with her 2 children but she seems to have put her religion first. It has to be said It cannot even be compared to cancer and chemotherapy as some cancer patients don't even know if they will have a life after treatment. If it would have taken a blood transfusion to change a diagnosis, cancer patients would be lining up for it.
I do feel sad as she has left behind 2 children who will grow up motherless. She had a choice and she chose scriptures in a book.
I refused treatment because it would not have helped me and I feel I made the right decision as I have had extra time I didn't think I would have.
I recieved a letter from the Jehova church when my story hit the media early this year and they said they could cure me if I repented for all my sins as sinning is why I got my illness. I didn't respond to this idiotic letter and carried on with my life as I have never agreed with the Jehova way.
I wouldn't disrespect anyone for the path they take in life.
I have many good friends who are religious and who respect my views and I respect theirs.
If someone wants to be a Jehova witness that is their choice but it has no comparison with cancer and that treatment.

Monday, 5 November 2007

Happy 21st Birhtday

I would like to say a very happy 21st Birthday to my daughter, Siobhan.
She was born on 5th November 1986 at 08:51am and wieghed in at 6lb 15oz.
Her Birthday last year wasn't very good as I went into hospital on 2nd November 2006 to have the VATs op, we lost my dad and my diagnosis succeeded in turning it into a really rotten time for her and the family.
I ended up staying in hospital for longer than anticipated, it ended up being a week which meant I was still in for her birthday.
I gave her an Apple mac for her birthdaythis year and I have also bought her a top she really wanted in 2 different colours.
When I was 21 someone made up a box of gifts for me and I thought it was great and never forgot it. I wanted to do the same thing and had a box with many gifts in which my son, Kieran helped her unwrap.

Siobhan built this website and is studying hard at college with graphic design and illistration.
Her website link is below :


http://www.tinrobo.co.uk/

She will be going for a meal tonight in her favourite Japanese restaraunt to celebrate her day.
Happy Birthday Siobhan, I hope it is one of the best you have had this time.
I love you x

Sunday, 4 November 2007

Auction site result

I have had a message from the auction site and the asbestos chrystal I mentioned has been removed from sale.
The seller is not happy about this and has sent me a message telling me so. He said I am ruining his business.
What a shame he can't give anyone else this gift of a short life.
I do not feel bad about it at all. He gave me some names of other minerals on there and I appreciate that and will get them shifted also.

Saturday, 3 November 2007

Asbestos on auction site

Asbestos chrystals from a mine in USA/Cananda is being sold on an auction site. It is also being offered for shipment to the UK.
There is also an asbestos apron which does give a warning that the material can cause asbestos related illnesses.
I have written to the site and asked for them to look into why the items are for sale in the USA. Also why offer shipment of this toxic rock to the UK?
I think it is irresponsible to sell this stuff and to ship it to somewhere where it is banned.
There is a general rule on the site about selling hazardous substances but asbestos is not mentioned.
I will update sthe blog when I hear anything.

No news yet

I have not heard anything at all from my solicitor concerning the MoD claim.
I thought I would have heard this week but it is silent.
I will contact my solicitor next week and see if there is any news.

Not much more happening apart from my B17 tablets arriving today.
I am running my own survey by trying out different diets and remedies that are promoted on so many reputable sites. It will be interesting to see if there is any change in Theo (my cancer) meaning him getting smaller.
It will be a miracle but I am not holding all my hopes on it. If Theo stays the same size I will be happy with that.
I am like everybody else who gets this awful disease and I do not want to die yet. Unfortunatley there is not enough help for people with Meso and this is all some of us have.
I cannot sit back and do nothing and what I am doing will hopefully help others now and in the future.

Friday, 2 November 2007

Proud parent


I am very proud of my little bean, my son, Kieran.
He got his first swimming award today. He swam 12 metres and also won another award for top table.
The top table award is given to children who are polite and eat their food well. My son has a packed lunch so he has to wait for the children who have school meals to sit down before he can have his. His school website is :

www.courtlands-school.co.uk

Well done Kieran...I love you x

Thursday, 1 November 2007

Red meat,alchohol and cancer

I was glad to see that cancer research have admitted that red meat, especially bacon and ham, and alchohol can increase the risks of some common cancers. What they haven't said is to avoid these things when you have it. Unfortunatley Mesothelioma doesn't come into the catagory of comon cancer. A common cancer is like Breast cancer and Bowel cancer.

I am still convinced that avoiding these things are intrumental in how I feel today.
I have been a vegetarian since I was 14 years old. I have never smoked as I have a phobia concerning that subject. I have never been a heavy drinker, just the occasional beer. All these things, I am convinced, have made a difference with my cancer.
I had my first symptoms and was told by the consultant at the time that I had scarring on the lungs back in 1994. It had also been diagnosed as Pluerisy and asthma.
I am certain that this was the start of Mesothelioma. Some professionals would disagree as I was only diagnosed last year so as far as they are concerned I have had it for 1 year. My pain has never changed, it has been exactly the same for 12 years. Last year I had the VATs op and the pain has diminished. I know it can erupt at any time but being pain free as been an absolute bonus for me.
The yeast,sugar,alchohol and dairy free diet is going well.
It would be so good to find health foods that do taste and look appetising though as some that I have found are disgusting. I bought a loaf of soda bread at my local supermarket so that makes things easier with lunch for work and toast.
I saw the 5 guys again today who are making a 10 minute documentary about Mesothelioma. I really hope they do well with it as they deserve to.
I haven't heard anything from my solicitor concerning the final settlement.
I will call him either tomorrow or Monday and find out if there is any update.
I will keep looking :)