Thursday, 31 January 2008

New Eyebrows!

I had my eyebrow tattoos done this morning and I have to say, they are amazing. The tattoo looks like real hairs and is absolutley stunning. Iwas very impressed when Teresa, the therapist, had finished.
She has done a fabulous job. I have to go back in 4 weeks to finish it as the colour lightens.
I am so amazed by how realistic they look. No more drawing uneven lines on my face...out go the eyebrow pencils!
I would reccommend to anyone who has lost their eyebrows to consider it. It is expensive but I think it is money well spent.
I will try and add a decent picture of them.

Reply from Cosmos
I had a reply from Cosmos due to my complaint about our trip to Lapland. They seem to have dismissed all I have said and insulted me by offering me a voucher for £200 towards a holiday with .....wait for it.....COSMOS!
They have to be kidding me. I rang them and said I was not excepting the voucher and I was told to write another letter to them detailing what I wasn't happy with in their letter. I advsed them that as I have terminal cancer, I don't want the stress and time spent on another letter when they have all the details in front of them. The girl on the phone asked if it was about the money, no it isn't, it is about the loss of some very special memories.
They were supposed to call me back but alas...that hasn't happened.
I have contacted BBC watchdog and will see what happens now.
It is disgraceful that they can take money from people who are trying to build memories for their children and dismiss any problems that arise.
Any family that takes a trip to Lapland do it for one reason only, to remember their holiday. It is like Disneyworld Florida, I wish I had taken them there for Christmas now as we would have had a much better time. I am not giving up on this complaint and will add it to the blog when I get an answer.

Wednesday, 30 January 2008

Dentists went very well.....toothache will hopefully go now. I didn't get the paralysed feeling down the side of my face which was a suprise but I was told by the dentist that the bottom right side will be more of a paralysis when I have it done.
I bought myself some "flossing Harps" from Tescos. They are like little saws and are used instead of the flossing cord. They look more resiliant than the cord.
Tomorrow is the eyebrow tattooing.
That should be interesting.
: )

Coffee morning

I am going to my to a coffee morning at my son's school today. We meet every Wednesday and chat about issues concerning us and also have an expert in certain fields to chat and give the parents a chance to ask questions.
Last week it was reflexology and I had a 10 min foot massage.
I enjoyed lunch with my friends yesterday. It was good to catch up with them and their busy lives. Today is dentists day when I get this toothach sorted out (hopefully)
It has been driving me bananas for the past week.
It has been quite busy this week as I have been helping the ex store his property in a storage unit as he will be moving out on 21st. He is a bit of a horder so has quite a lot to sort out.
Kieran seems to be coping well with it.
Theo seems to have taken on board what I have said as there has been no more pain or breathlessness than usual. I am really hoping that my B17 kicks him where it hurts to teach him a lesson. I have ordered a cook has a great title...The Little Cyanide Cookbook !!
It is not a book about wiping out the other half but a book that contains recipes rich in vitamin B17 and should be an interesting read.
B17 is the ground up kernels of an apricot and it does contain cyanide.
More about B17 in the link below.

The information contained in the links is for advice only and the patient should be aware that any treatments may affect the B17 and vice versa, Always talk to your oncologist/GP before taking any medication especially if you are receiving treatment.

Monday, 28 January 2008

Sweeney Todd

I had my Reiki session this afternoon which was very relaxing. I am sure I fell asleep twice!
I felt like I wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep afterwards.
I have booked another session in February with my friend, Helen, again.

I went out this evening with some friends and saw the new Johnny Depp film "Sweeney Todd - The Demon barber of Fleet Street" It was brilliant, Johnny Depp sang throughout the film which was very good. He has a very pleasant voice. It was more of a musical but no dancing. The actors were great, Alan Rickman, (another of my favourites) Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G to all who don't know his real name) and Helena Bonham Carter and Timothy Spall. It was the usual dark, bleak Tim Burton style and suited the story very well. There was an unexpected twist at the end. One thing though, if you don't like blood spurting everywhere, you won't like the film. Shame that Danny Elfman didn't do the music for this film as he has done most of the others, saying that, the music was very good.

I feel I am getting back to my normal state of mind now, more positive, and not letting the rantings of an oncologist get to me and also I have put on nearly 3lb since the 18th Jan.
Not bad for someone who is supposed to have lost weight due to illness.
I am proving to myself that I lost weight due to diet rather than ill health.
I am seriously thinking of not going back to the oncologist after July as if all he can spout out is negativity and cannot do anymore for me I would rather not hear it and get on with my life. I know I feel well and don't need added stress with negative comments.

Sunday, 27 January 2008

Immune therapy info

Dawn, who appeared on the mummy diaries has sent me a couple of links concerning Immune therapy

I hope this is helpful.

Dawn's website is

She keeps a diary of events and treatments in her life.

Reiki and Johnny Depp

I am going for a Reiki session tomorrow with my friend, Helen. I haven't been to a session for a while now and am hoping I will find the positivity that has been lost due to the oncologists diagnosis on the 18th.
In the early evening I am going to see one of my favourite men, Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd". My friends from work and I will go and see the film and then go out for a bite to eat.
I know Johnny will cheer me up, he always does.

A letter to Theo is 2:59am and I have been woken up by my first night sweat. Not often I get these but with toothache aswell, the combination of the 2 disurbed my sleep.
Apparently, the night sweat rides alongside all the symptoms of Meso. Something else to look forward to no doubt!
I am also going through the menopause so it could be a hot flush.....Wow, I have a choice!!!

A lot of things are on my mind at the moment, formost is the diagnosis from the oncologist I saw on 18th Jan.
I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that Theo has grown (I am seriously thinking of sacking him as he is not fulfilling his part of the agreement) and the point of telling me in not so many words that I should accept the diagnosis and be grateful for what I have had as many people younger than me don't get the life experiences I have.
Why should I be grateful? I don't feel I should be grateful for having a disease that was given to me by a company that could have prevented it, My father should not have been grateful, infact, nobody should be grateful for being ill and wanting more than some person behind a desk decides as it is what they have read from a book and generalised about the patient.
I understand the tumour it has grown and I understand the consequences of that but it does contradict how I feel.
I am still walking as much as I did before and I have no pain and feel exactly the same.
I want to march into that office on July 4th and let the oncologist see that I am still in the same position I was on January 18th.

To Theo,
I am disappointed in you and am on the verge of dismissing you as you are not fulfilling your part of the contract.
This is a final warning, If you don't pull your socks up and start behaving then I am afraid I will have to let you go.
It is unfortunate as we have been through so much since I discovered you and we have become quite close, It will be disappointing to lose you although our agreement should still stand, if you feel you cannot commit to the agreement, there are many other candidates who will be quite happy to step into your role and adhere to it.
You have 6 months to turn it around. I hope you can find it in yourself to support me as I have kept my side of the bargain and last of all, I hate goodbyes.

Saturday, 26 January 2008

Eye brow tattoo

I am gearing up to get my eyebrows tattooed on Thursday. I lost my eyebrows due to Alopecia around 6-8 months ago and have been drawing them on every morning. This is some times difficult when I am in a rush but it something I can't do without as I feel naked without my eyebrows on.

I met a student in Plymouth city centre this morning as she is doing a university dissertation project and askedif I would talk to her as she is writing about a collection of “micro-biographies” which allows people the chance to tell their own stories in their own words.
I had a coffee and talked about myself for about an hour and then went to pick up my little son and took him to his friends house so his friends mum and I could chill out at a local garden centre.
We had a great time looking at yankee candles and all the things we would love in our houses/gardens which wouldn't last long because of it being so busy.
We stayed longer than we anticipated and got a little telling off from her husband (He was ok about it really)
It was a good day with the sunshining and the lovely smell of fragrant flowers looming.
The children enjoyed themselves aswell.

Friday, 25 January 2008

Well done Hazards Journalists

Hazards magazine has done very well and got a big journalism award this week
(the Workworld Media Award for online journalism)
and they beat the BBC !!
It was presented at a very posh ceremony at the BAFTA HQ in London.
Rory O'neill,editor of Hazards online and Jawad Quasrawi accepted the award on behalf of all those who work on it.

Rory said he dedicated the award to yours truly "for being such a great and inspiring fighter" which I thought was a wonderful thing to do.

Well done Rory and all involved
You deserve it.

Press release below :

Another day

I am still upset about my cat and there is a great big space that was filled with so much love and loyalty that, one day, will be filled with the purr and fur of a new friend.
They will never replace the am azing friends we have lost but will hopefully help to heal the pain of their loss.
I am going to try and pick myself up and try hard to get back to where I was before I saw the oncologist last week.
Hearing all that news from the oncologist has made losing my friend worse. I know I have to pic myself up and get positive again.
My children are brilliant and mak e each day worth waking up to. Without them, I am not sure what I would do as I feel so miserable.
I need to turn all this negative into positive and will hopefully get back up when the ex starts to move out and we start dusting away the cobwebs built up in our lives.
We all need some sunshine in our lives now.

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Heart break

I had to do one of the most upsetting things I will ever have to do in my life, I had to make a decision about Patch, She is so ill and it is cruel to allow her to continue on as she is.

She isn't eating, cannot support herself and tries so hard to drag herself to her litter tray.

I took her back to the vets this morning, My friend, Helen, was a great support to me.

Patch's kidneys had failed and there was nothing the vet could do to turn it around. She was so weak this morning that she didn't even have enough energy to dispute being picked up and put in her cat box.

She has been such a wonderful friend and companion, she has always made sure I was hugged when I had a down day by making a point of getting on my lap and purring at my lowest moments.

I had to try and support her at one of her lowest moments. It was so heart breaking to make this decision.

To do one of the kindest things for her felt so awful and not wanting her to leave was being selfish. I couldn't keep her going until she was ready as it would have been so undignified for her and she didn't deserve that.
Something amazing happened when she was drifting off, the sun shone through the window over her and it felt so peaceful. The sun stayed out all day which did make it a liitle better to deal with as if it was raining it would have emulated more misery than already being suffered.


My Friend, my faithful and loyal companion,
I hope you can forgive me as I did what I thought was right and stopped your suffering.
I miss you so much, my heart is breaking.
You were always there for me at my lowest ebb and I hope you can understand that the family and I only wanted what was best for you and to let you know it was alright to leave.

I hope you meet Tiger as we all know how much you missed him and never recovered from that loss. You will find my Dad who will love you as much as we did.

Be at peace dear friend and know that we all love you so much and miss you terribly.

I love you Poshie,

Always and forever,

Debbie x x

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

Coffee morning

Every Wednesday my son's school has a coffee morning and they also have visitos in to talk about or discuss issues relavant to the parents.
This morning it was different as, like many times before, it was a reflexology session.
I had a foof massage which was lovely and had a chat with other parents about the issues of the day.
I saw my GP who is very understanding and he has given me a note for work. I am out for 2 weks to deal with adjustments in my life.
I had lunch at home with Rich, He always cheers me up and makes me smile, we were watching Dave channel on sky and T Rex came on. The lovely Marc Bolan was singing 'get it on' what a great song that is and what a great performer who was taken far too early.
My little cat,Patch, is still very ill. I am going to take her back to see the vet today and see what he can do. She isn't eating a lot and is very weak. She is nearly 17 and has been such a great companion buthasn't recovered since we lost our other cat, Tigereye, who died last September.

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

BBC "inside out" looking for Alimta refusal patient.

The BBC want to highlight the Alimta debate in their "inside out" documentary programme.
They are looking for someone who has recently been refused treatment to go on camera and discuss it.
Anyone interested can contact me and I will send on the details.
My email address is

Tired today

I had mt dental appointment this morning. It is a new surgery I am registering to. The dentist x-rayed my jaw and pointed out that there is decay (I have not been to the dentists for a while, a lot to do with finances at the time as findin an NHS denatl practice is like trying to find needle in a haystack)
The dentist very kindly put some very cold cotton wool on the affected tooth and started the throbbin g pain again (thanks Mrs dentist!)
I was then told by the receptionist that I would get the fillings done on 30th Jan...OVER A WEEK AWAY!!!!
Now I have bought some straws and will be very careful with hot and cold meals/drinks as when it hits the spot.....OUCH!!!
I am feeling so tired today as well due to Ladies problems. I feel so drained, exhausted, this may be due to the upset over the last few days as well.
I visited mt cousin today and it was good to hear someone elses problems for a change.
I am seeing my GP tomorrow and have a rieki session on 28th Jan which I am looking forward to.

Monday, 21 January 2008

Quiet day

It has been a quiet day for me today. I went to see my sister and went out to eat this evening with some friends from work. I don't feel as down as I did yesterday and have got an appointment with my GP to see if I can take a few days off work to get back to how I felt. I will call McMillan nurses tomorrow and also get a Rieki session organised at my local mustard tree centre. I know that when I had the session before, it did help a lot.
The children have been very supportive and make me feel stronger every day.
I have found a new challenge, to walk into the appointment with my oncologist in July feeling as fit and well as I do now.
Let battle commence....!

Sunday, 20 January 2008

Back home

Well....that didn't last long. I got to work and lasted 1 1/2 hours. After listening to a customer blame the company for his missing contacts on his phone and swearing at me saying "you removed my contacts" which wouldn'r happen unless he had a sim swap or replacement. (He means "you" as the company but it just felt so personel as if he really blamed me for it).
He insisted he hadn't and still saying "you did it" and swearing some more I had had enough.
My team are brilliant and I have other friends in there who are not on my team who are also brilliant. My Team leader was ok with me leaving and I told him I will see my GP tomorrow.

I have to get myself out of this black abyss I have fallen into and get back to seeing my future again.
I have weighed myself and I am 9 st which is not underweight for me infact (trust the onco to be right!),all the medical info about weight/height would say I am overweight as the ideal weight for me is 8st 7lbs.

I will keep myself busy by helping the ex move out, taking care of my little cat who is still very ill and looking forward to decorating my house to sell it and get my new one.

My cat and I make a great pair...we share the same sofa....the sick sofa : )

Back to work

I am returning to work today as I want to try and pull myself back together after the news I got on Friday.
I feel lke I am mourning a loss, absoutely gutted. I honestly did feel that I had gained some of my future back for it to be snatched away again. i can't give up on me and am going to try and concentrate on being positive and sailing into July feeling like I do now.
I have to do this for my children, they keep me going.
If it wasn't for them I would probably give up now.
I don't want to fail, I want to live and that is the frustrating part because nothing is around at the moment to combat this enemy.

Saturday, 19 January 2008

Mouse 5 is the new hope

I found this link while looking at cures for Mesothelioma. It is quite interesting.
Only problem is that it is still in research stage and it is in Australia which means the UK won't get a chance for a long time, like every other treatment.
Australia and the USA are using immune therapy which has shown time and time again that it works.

Why isn't it here ???

Why do I have to sit back and except the diagnosis of my oncologist who has given up on any chance of survival?

The other link is about the "devils apple" which is the fruit the compoud was extracted from and is very interesting reading.

This article does bring with it hope, which is what we all want but have to travel too far to get.

I have also ordered a product I came across called Zeolite. I am going to try it as it oxygenates the blood and oxygen is known to kill of cancer cells.
I am determined to try and beat this disease and am still on my mission to find something that works.

Friday, 18 January 2008

Fluffy's tip

I am going to take some useful tips from Suzanne's cat , Fluffy and relax. (Fluffy very kindly agreed to appear on the site)

As you can see, the art of relaxation has been practiced well and Fluffy is now a black belt. Fluffy wants to pass on these excercises to all who visit the site. You need a cardboard box and very good balancing skills.

This will be me very soon I hope : )

Thanks Fluffy your a star. X

CT result number 5

Not good news .....Theo has grown.
I feel so gutted and let down as I don't feel any different. My oncologist was not his usual positive self and asked me how I felt was I more breathless, had I lost weight? I have lost weight but I put that down to no sugar, dairy and lower yeast intake. I was around 10 stone and he thinks I am 9 stone now. I will weigh myself to find out tomorrow. He told me it had grown since the last scan which was 4 months ago.
My oncologist was also telling me about some 18 year olds who get melanoma and about a local man who was killed in a car accident yesterday and made me aware they were younger than me. I got the feeling he was telling me I should be grateful for what I have.
I am grateful but that does not mean I have to give up like I feel he is.
I don't feel very breathless, same as before and feel very well. I am active and am not going to accept this as I didn't with the oncologist before him who told me I had 6 - 9 months.
I told him how angry I was that there was no cure and I was expected to sit back and accept it which, I feel, is so cruel. This is no fault of my own as it is no fault of every other person who get this Awful disease.
I need to get myself positive again. I have a cat that is dying and have to sort out a new house and all the stresses that go with it.
I am still trying to get my head around it all and it is difficult.

Just another informative link from Suzanne, who finds such great links. Thanks Suzanne, keep them coming.

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

Rotation over for 3 days

I have finished my 3 days at work and have 3 days off which I am sure will be busy with catching up on all that needs doing. My cat is still unwell and I have decided to take her to the vets next week. She is eating and seems quite relaxed in herself. She will be 17 this year so has had a real good life. I would love her to carry on but it would be unfair to let her do so if she was uncomfortable. This is so difficult as my situation makes me see things differently. I would not like anyone making choices like that for me.

I will get the CT scan results on Friday and am hoping so much that it is good ( you listening Theo?)
. I have my son's meeting tomorrow and will hopefully remeber this one.

Friday, 11 January 2008

Missed the review!

I was supposed to go to my son's review today and it completely went out of my mind. What with the ex moving out and sorting the house out to sell plus the results of the CT scan looming, I forgot.
I felt so bad for my son who took it very well. As he is autistic, everything has to be routine. He did very well today as he tried school meams for the first time. He said he enjoyed it and will be having it again on Monday. I was impressed as he isn't one for trying new things but after trying popcorn for the first time last week, he decided to try school meals. The menu looks lovely and would be great if we had the same thing in our works canteen as the meals in there are not that good.
I have re-arranged Kieran's appointment and will remember this time : )

Thursday, 10 January 2008

Christmas packed away

I have packed away the last remnants of 2007 and am the shiny new 2008 is slowly being revealed. I spent a lovely morning with my older children. I took them to the garden centre that I visiyed last year to get my Christmas tree and picked up 2 sets of icycle lights that have become the new challenge.
I want to see them up on my new house this Christmas.
I am also busy with house hunting and doing up my house to sell it.
I have some very good friends who have said they will help me.
I am going to chill out tomorrow morning and watch "blithe spirit", one of my favourite classic films. (will it happen?)
All is quiet at the moment with Meso issues. I am waiting to hear about alimta and what will happen with the appeal.

A quick note, Chris Knighton of the Mick Knighton fund has changed email address. It is now :

Monday, 7 January 2008

Scan and school

I had the CT scan this morning and hope when I get the results that I find out Theo has been good to me again.
Later this afternoon I took my son to see his new school. He will be starting in September and a lot of the children there knew him and were happy to see him. He loved it and said he was looking forward to starting.
Back to work tomorrow for 2 days and off for 3, can't be bad : )
My cat is still not well. Se doesn't seem to be eating much and is very tired. Considering her age (17yrs) it has to be expected although I do think she is missing our other cat that we lost in September.
Next appointment is the 18th Jan when I get the results of the scan.

Sunday, 6 January 2008

CT scan

I have got my CT scan tomorrow. I will be going with my daughter and will get the results on 18th Jan. I am going to visit my sons school tomorrow afternoon which he is very excited about.

Friday, 4 January 2008

All back to normal

Everything has returned to normal here. The decs will be down the weekend and I will be on the road to Christmas 2008 and challenging whatever steps in my path.
I went to look at a house this morning and it was perfect, apart from the steps leading up to the property. I am thinking of the future and the steps may become a problem. It is so lovely though.
I now have to sort my house out and get it on the market. The ex will be moving out soon and I have some good friends who will help me get the house into a presentable state for selling.

I am going to have lunch with my daughter and afterwards, attend my little son's school as he has a good work assembly each week.
My cat, Patch isn't very well, she is 17 this year and I think she is failing. She has an overactive thyroid and may have a kidney disorder.
I have promised my little son, Kieran that when we move house we will get a kitten for him.
It will be a shame if our cat doesn't come with us as she has been with the family for a long time. She isn't a cuddle cat, not like Tigereye who I lost in September. She is a real misery but she has been a very loyal companian. I hope we do take her with us and start our future with her too.
I have had a busy afternoon, had lunch with my daughter and did a little shopping, watched my son's assembly, got my cats tablets and visited a friend for a bit, took my son to see "bee movie" and met my other 2 children and my daughters boyfriend for something to eat.
It has been really busy and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Tomorrow I am going to relax a bit and get prepared for Monday, the CT scan.

Wednesday, 2 January 2008

Back to work

I have returned to work after the Christmas break. It has been very busy and I am so glad that I have 2 out of the 3 days to work.
I am thinking constantly about the CT scan on Monday. This will be the fifth one, I think, since October 2006 and so far Theo has not grown. Kieran goes back to school on the 3rd January and I am looking around at houses up for sale as we need a bigger house. Once all the debts are out of the way, the children and I can move on and begin our clean slate.
I have been asked many times what I had for Christmas, I had 2 drago fly necklaces and a dragon fly brooch and they are stunning. Thankyou to the friends who gave me them. I had a foot bath which will come in very handy but most of all, I had Christmas 2007 with my children and friends, that has been the greatest gift and it has been wonderful, thank you Theo.
What more could I ask for apart from the obvious but I don't think Theo is going anywhere in the near future.
I want to keep him happy and give myself a lot more time with my family. New targets and a new home are on the cards this year.

Tuesday, 1 January 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!'s all over, 2007 was an amazing year for my family and myself. We had the payment from the MoD after they admitted liability, The success of this website (thanks to Siobhan, my daughter, for all her hard work) 3 great holidays, the bonus of a second Christmas since the diagnosis, meeting some amazing people with dealing with the same illness and most of all, getting Mesothelioma noticed.

I have to say a big thankyou to Theo (my cancer) for not growing and allowing me this extra time with my family and friends. We have a great friendship and I hope it stays the same for a very long time.

I started 2007 thinking I would not even see Christmas let alone 2008.

I went out with my sister last night to celebrate the new year. I came home not long after midnight and my little boy was fast asleep. I kissed his head and wished him happy new year and did feel a little tearful as I do not know what this year will hold for him or any of my children. I hope it is as good or if not , better than 2007.
Happy new year to all of you who have supported me and made Mesothelioma and me a very popular and followed website, I hope 2008 will be filled with all the hopes and wishes you have asked for.