Thursday, 31 January 2008
She has done a fabulous job. I have to go back in 4 weeks to finish it as the colour lightens.
I am so amazed by how realistic they look. No more drawing uneven lines on my face...out go the eyebrow pencils!
I would reccommend to anyone who has lost their eyebrows to consider it. It is expensive but I think it is money well spent.
I will try and add a decent picture of them.
Reply from Cosmos
I had a reply from Cosmos due to my complaint about our trip to Lapland. They seem to have dismissed all I have said and insulted me by offering me a voucher for £200 towards a holiday with .....wait for it.....COSMOS!
They have to be kidding me. I rang them and said I was not excepting the voucher and I was told to write another letter to them detailing what I wasn't happy with in their letter. I advsed them that as I have terminal cancer, I don't want the stress and time spent on another letter when they have all the details in front of them. The girl on the phone asked if it was about the money, no it isn't, it is about the loss of some very special memories.
They were supposed to call me back but alas...that hasn't happened.
I have contacted BBC watchdog and will see what happens now.
It is disgraceful that they can take money from people who are trying to build memories for their children and dismiss any problems that arise.
Any family that takes a trip to Lapland do it for one reason only, to remember their holiday. It is like Disneyworld Florida, I wish I had taken them there for Christmas now as we would have had a much better time. I am not giving up on this complaint and will add it to the blog when I get an answer.
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
I bought myself some "flossing Harps" from Tescos. They are like little saws and are used instead of the flossing cord. They look more resiliant than the cord.
Tomorrow is the eyebrow tattooing.
That should be interesting.
Last week it was reflexology and I had a 10 min foot massage.
I enjoyed lunch with my friends yesterday. It was good to catch up with them and their busy lives. Today is dentists day when I get this toothach sorted out (hopefully)
It has been driving me bananas for the past week.
It has been quite busy this week as I have been helping the ex store his property in a storage unit as he will be moving out on 21st. He is a bit of a horder so has quite a lot to sort out.
Kieran seems to be coping well with it.
Theo seems to have taken on board what I have said as there has been no more pain or breathlessness than usual. I am really hoping that my B17 kicks him where it hurts to teach him a lesson. I have ordered a cook book....it has a great title...The Little Cyanide Cookbook !!
It is not a book about wiping out the other half but a book that contains recipes rich in vitamin B17 and should be an interesting read.
B17 is the ground up kernels of an apricot and it does contain cyanide.
More about B17 in the link below.
The information contained in the links is for advice only and the patient should be aware that any treatments may affect the B17 and vice versa, Always talk to your oncologist/GP before taking any medication especially if you are receiving treatment.
Monday, 28 January 2008
I felt like I wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep afterwards.
I have booked another session in February with my friend, Helen, again.
I went out this evening with some friends and saw the new Johnny Depp film "Sweeney Todd - The Demon barber of Fleet Street" It was brilliant, Johnny Depp sang throughout the film which was very good. He has a very pleasant voice. It was more of a musical but no dancing. The actors were great, Alan Rickman, (another of my favourites) Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G to all who don't know his real name) and Helena Bonham Carter and Timothy Spall. It was the usual dark, bleak Tim Burton style and suited the story very well. There was an unexpected twist at the end. One thing though, if you don't like blood spurting everywhere, you won't like the film. Shame that Danny Elfman didn't do the music for this film as he has done most of the others, saying that, the music was very good.
I feel I am getting back to my normal state of mind now, more positive, and not letting the rantings of an oncologist get to me and also I have put on nearly 3lb since the 18th Jan.
Not bad for someone who is supposed to have lost weight due to illness.
I am proving to myself that I lost weight due to diet rather than ill health.
I am seriously thinking of not going back to the oncologist after July as if all he can spout out is negativity and cannot do anymore for me I would rather not hear it and get on with my life. I know I feel well and don't need added stress with negative comments.
Sunday, 27 January 2008
I hope this is helpful.
Dawn's website is http://www.wigstowishes.org.uk/
She keeps a diary of events and treatments in her life.
In the early evening I am going to see one of my favourite men, Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd". My friends from work and I will go and see the film and then go out for a bite to eat.
I know Johnny will cheer me up, he always does.
Apparently, the night sweat rides alongside all the symptoms of Meso. Something else to look forward to no doubt!
I am also going through the menopause so it could be a hot flush.....Wow, I have a choice!!!
A lot of things are on my mind at the moment, formost is the diagnosis from the oncologist I saw on 18th Jan.
I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that Theo has grown (I am seriously thinking of sacking him as he is not fulfilling his part of the agreement) and the point of telling me in not so many words that I should accept the diagnosis and be grateful for what I have had as many people younger than me don't get the life experiences I have.
Why should I be grateful? I don't feel I should be grateful for having a disease that was given to me by a company that could have prevented it, My father should not have been grateful, infact, nobody should be grateful for being ill and wanting more than some person behind a desk decides as it is what they have read from a book and generalised about the patient.
I understand the tumour it has grown and I understand the consequences of that but it does contradict how I feel.
I am still walking as much as I did before and I have no pain and feel exactly the same.
I want to march into that office on July 4th and let the oncologist see that I am still in the same position I was on January 18th.
I am disappointed in you and am on the verge of dismissing you as you are not fulfilling your part of the contract.
This is a final warning, If you don't pull your socks up and start behaving then I am afraid I will have to let you go.
It is unfortunate as we have been through so much since I discovered you and we have become quite close, It will be disappointing to lose you although our agreement should still stand, if you feel you cannot commit to the agreement, there are many other candidates who will be quite happy to step into your role and adhere to it.
You have 6 months to turn it around. I hope you can find it in yourself to support me as I have kept my side of the bargain and last of all, I hate goodbyes.
Saturday, 26 January 2008
I met a student in Plymouth city centre this morning as she is doing a university dissertation project and askedif I would talk to her as she is writing about a collection of “micro-biographies” which allows people the chance to tell their own stories in their own words.
I had a coffee and talked about myself for about an hour and then went to pick up my little son and took him to his friends house so his friends mum and I could chill out at a local garden centre.
We had a great time looking at yankee candles and all the things we would love in our houses/gardens which wouldn't last long because of it being so busy.
We stayed longer than we anticipated and got a little telling off from her husband (He was ok about it really)
It was a good day with the sunshining and the lovely smell of fragrant flowers looming.
The children enjoyed themselves aswell.
Friday, 25 January 2008
(the Workworld Media Award for online journalism)
and they beat the BBC !!
It was presented at a very posh ceremony at the BAFTA HQ in London.
Rory O'neill,editor of Hazards online and Jawad Quasrawi accepted the award on behalf of all those who work on it.
Rory said he dedicated the award to yours truly "for being such a great and inspiring fighter" which I thought was a wonderful thing to do.
Well done Rory and all involved
You deserve it.
Press release below :
They will never replace the am azing friends we have lost but will hopefully help to heal the pain of their loss.
I am going to try and pick myself up and try hard to get back to where I was before I saw the oncologist last week.
Hearing all that news from the oncologist has made losing my friend worse. I know I have to pic myself up and get positive again.
My children are brilliant and mak e each day worth waking up to. Without them, I am not sure what I would do as I feel so miserable.
I need to turn all this negative into positive and will hopefully get back up when the ex starts to move out and we start dusting away the cobwebs built up in our lives.
We all need some sunshine in our lives now.
Thursday, 24 January 2008
She isn't eating, cannot support herself and tries so hard to drag herself to her litter tray.
I took her back to the vets this morning, My friend, Helen, was a great support to me.
Patch's kidneys had failed and there was nothing the vet could do to turn it around. She was so weak this morning that she didn't even have enough energy to dispute being picked up and put in her cat box.
She has been such a wonderful friend and companion, she has always made sure I was hugged when I had a down day by making a point of getting on my lap and purring at my lowest moments.
I had to try and support her at one of her lowest moments. It was so heart breaking to make this decision.
To do one of the kindest things for her felt so awful and not wanting her to leave was being selfish. I couldn't keep her going until she was ready as it would have been so undignified for her and she didn't deserve that.
Something amazing happened when she was drifting off, the sun shone through the window over her and it felt so peaceful. The sun stayed out all day which did make it a liitle better to deal with as if it was raining it would have emulated more misery than already being suffered.
My Friend, my faithful and loyal companion,
I hope you can forgive me as I did what I thought was right and stopped your suffering.
I miss you so much, my heart is breaking.
You were always there for me at my lowest ebb and I hope you can understand that the family and I only wanted what was best for you and to let you know it was alright to leave.
I hope you meet Tiger as we all know how much you missed him and never recovered from that loss. You will find my Dad who will love you as much as we did.
Be at peace dear friend and know that we all love you so much and miss you terribly.
I love you Poshie,
Always and forever,
Debbie x x
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
This morning it was different as, like many times before, it was a reflexology session.
I had a foof massage which was lovely and had a chat with other parents about the issues of the day.
I saw my GP who is very understanding and he has given me a note for work. I am out for 2 weks to deal with adjustments in my life.
I had lunch at home with Rich, He always cheers me up and makes me smile, we were watching Dave channel on sky and T Rex came on. The lovely Marc Bolan was singing 'get it on' what a great song that is and what a great performer who was taken far too early.
My little cat,Patch, is still very ill. I am going to take her back to see the vet today and see what he can do. She isn't eating a lot and is very weak. She is nearly 17 and has been such a great companion buthasn't recovered since we lost our other cat, Tigereye, who died last September.
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
They are looking for someone who has recently been refused treatment to go on camera and discuss it.
Anyone interested can contact me and I will send on the details.
My email address is
The dentist very kindly put some very cold cotton wool on the affected tooth and started the throbbin g pain again (thanks Mrs dentist!)
I was then told by the receptionist that I would get the fillings done on 30th Jan...OVER A WEEK AWAY!!!!
Now I have bought some straws and will be very careful with hot and cold meals/drinks as when it hits the spot.....OUCH!!!
I am feeling so tired today as well due to Ladies problems. I feel so drained, exhausted, this may be due to the upset over the last few days as well.
I visited mt cousin today and it was good to hear someone elses problems for a change.
I am seeing my GP tomorrow and have a rieki session on 28th Jan which I am looking forward to.
Monday, 21 January 2008
The children have been very supportive and make me feel stronger every day.
I have found a new challenge, to walk into the appointment with my oncologist in July feeling as fit and well as I do now.
Let battle commence....!
Sunday, 20 January 2008
He insisted he hadn't and still saying "you did it" and swearing some more I had had enough.
My team are brilliant and I have other friends in there who are not on my team who are also brilliant. My Team leader was ok with me leaving and I told him I will see my GP tomorrow.
I have to get myself out of this black abyss I have fallen into and get back to seeing my future again.
I have weighed myself and I am 9 st which is not underweight for me infact (trust the onco to be right!),all the medical info about weight/height would say I am overweight as the ideal weight for me is 8st 7lbs.
I will keep myself busy by helping the ex move out, taking care of my little cat who is still very ill and looking forward to decorating my house to sell it and get my new one.
My cat and I make a great pair...we share the same sofa....the sick sofa : )
I feel lke I am mourning a loss, absoutely gutted. I honestly did feel that I had gained some of my future back for it to be snatched away again. i can't give up on me and am going to try and concentrate on being positive and sailing into July feeling like I do now.
I have to do this for my children, they keep me going.
If it wasn't for them I would probably give up now.
I don't want to fail, I want to live and that is the frustrating part because nothing is around at the moment to combat this enemy.
Saturday, 19 January 2008
Only problem is that it is still in research stage and it is in Australia which means the UK won't get a chance for a long time, like every other treatment.
Australia and the USA are using immune therapy which has shown time and time again that it works.
Why isn't it here ???
Why do I have to sit back and except the diagnosis of my oncologist who has given up on any chance of survival?
The other link is about the "devils apple" which is the fruit the compoud was extracted from and is very interesting reading.
This article does bring with it hope, which is what we all want but have to travel too far to get.
I have also ordered a product I came across called Zeolite. I am going to try it as it oxygenates the blood and oxygen is known to kill of cancer cells.
Friday, 18 January 2008
I feel so gutted and let down as I don't feel any different. My oncologist was not his usual positive self and asked me how I felt was I more breathless, had I lost weight? I have lost weight but I put that down to no sugar, dairy and lower yeast intake. I was around 10 stone and he thinks I am 9 stone now. I will weigh myself to find out tomorrow. He told me it had grown since the last scan which was 4 months ago.
My oncologist was also telling me about some 18 year olds who get melanoma and about a local man who was killed in a car accident yesterday and made me aware they were younger than me. I got the feeling he was telling me I should be grateful for what I have.
I am grateful but that does not mean I have to give up like I feel he is.
I don't feel very breathless, same as before and feel very well. I am active and am not going to accept this as I didn't with the oncologist before him who told me I had 6 - 9 months.
I told him how angry I was that there was no cure and I was expected to sit back and accept it which, I feel, is so cruel. This is no fault of my own as it is no fault of every other person who get this Awful disease.
I need to get myself positive again. I have a cat that is dying and have to sort out a new house and all the stresses that go with it.
I am still trying to get my head around it all and it is difficult.
Just another informative link from Suzanne, who finds such great links. Thanks Suzanne, keep them coming.
Tuesday, 15 January 2008
I will get the CT scan results on Friday and am hoping so much that it is good ( you listening Theo?)
. I have my son's meeting tomorrow and will hopefully remeber this one.
Friday, 11 January 2008
I felt so bad for my son who took it very well. As he is autistic, everything has to be routine. He did very well today as he tried school meams for the first time. He said he enjoyed it and will be having it again on Monday. I was impressed as he isn't one for trying new things but after trying popcorn for the first time last week, he decided to try school meals. The menu looks lovely and would be great if we had the same thing in our works canteen as the meals in there are not that good.
I have re-arranged Kieran's appointment and will remember this time : )
Thursday, 10 January 2008
I want to see them up on my new house this Christmas.
I am also busy with house hunting and doing up my house to sell it.
I have some very good friends who have said they will help me.
I am going to chill out tomorrow morning and watch "blithe spirit", one of my favourite classic films. (will it happen?)
All is quiet at the moment with Meso issues. I am waiting to hear about alimta and what will happen with the appeal.
A quick note, Chris Knighton of the Mick Knighton fund has changed email address. It is now : firstname.lastname@example.org
Monday, 7 January 2008
Later this afternoon I took my son to see his new school. He will be starting in September and a lot of the children there knew him and were happy to see him. He loved it and said he was looking forward to starting.
Back to work tomorrow for 2 days and off for 3, can't be bad : )
My cat is still not well. Se doesn't seem to be eating much and is very tired. Considering her age (17yrs) it has to be expected although I do think she is missing our other cat that we lost in September.
Next appointment is the 18th Jan when I get the results of the scan.
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Friday, 4 January 2008
I went to look at a house this morning and it was perfect, apart from the steps leading up to the property. I am thinking of the future and the steps may become a problem. It is so lovely though.
I now have to sort my house out and get it on the market. The ex will be moving out soon and I have some good friends who will help me get the house into a presentable state for selling.
I am going to have lunch with my daughter and afterwards, attend my little son's school as he has a good work assembly each week.
My cat, Patch isn't very well, she is 17 this year and I think she is failing. She has an overactive thyroid and may have a kidney disorder.
I have promised my little son, Kieran that when we move house we will get a kitten for him.
It will be a shame if our cat doesn't come with us as she has been with the family for a long time. She isn't a cuddle cat, not like Tigereye who I lost in September. She is a real misery but she has been a very loyal companian. I hope we do take her with us and start our future with her too.
I have had a busy afternoon, had lunch with my daughter and did a little shopping, watched my son's assembly, got my cats tablets and visited a friend for a bit, took my son to see "bee movie" and met my other 2 children and my daughters boyfriend for something to eat.
It has been really busy and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Tomorrow I am going to relax a bit and get prepared for Monday, the CT scan.
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
I am thinking constantly about the CT scan on Monday. This will be the fifth one, I think, since October 2006 and so far Theo has not grown. Kieran goes back to school on the 3rd January and I am looking around at houses up for sale as we need a bigger house. Once all the debts are out of the way, the children and I can move on and begin our clean slate.
I have been asked many times what I had for Christmas, I had 2 drago fly necklaces and a dragon fly brooch and they are stunning. Thankyou to the friends who gave me them. I had a foot bath which will come in very handy but most of all, I had Christmas 2007 with my children and friends, that has been the greatest gift and it has been wonderful, thank you Theo.
What more could I ask for apart from the obvious but I don't think Theo is going anywhere in the near future.
I want to keep him happy and give myself a lot more time with my family. New targets and a new home are on the cards this year.