Thursday, 31 March 2011


It is with great sadness that I add Geoff to the list of heroes who have left their loved ones.
I met Geoff when he emailed me about mesothelioma.
He came to the support meeting in Plymouth a couple of times and always had a smile.
Condolences to his lovely wife, Claire, who is without her warrior.

I am dedicating this blog to Geoff.

Love and strength sent to Claire and Geoff's families as they come to terms with their loss.

What a great relief!!!

I have just come back from the hospital, What a relief, it looks like it is the gall stones, as I first suspected. My friend Chrissy came with me and has been a great support.
I will have to have a CT scan probably next week to give a more detailed view of what is happening but at least it isn't Theo.
Thanks Theo for staying away, I appreciate it x x

It will probably be a hospital stay if I have to have the stones out, Not sure when and not sure what will happen. Then it is going to have to be a fat free diet : (
It shouldn't be too difficult, I think it will be cutting out the cheese and dairy as I am a vegetarian anyway.
I was so worried this morning and did use my lovely friends shoulder to cry on.
Thanks everyone for the support, how wonderful you all are x x x

So nervous!!!

I had a call this morning from the hospital.
I am having an ultra sound at 2pm and then off to see the Dr after to find out what is going on.
I am in turmoil again, so nervous about what they are going to say.
I am hoping I hear nothing about Theo moving back in.
Yesterday I was alright because I though it was pneumonia and I can manage that well with anti biotics, now I am terrified.
I have been asked about feeling bloated and about pain in the diaphragm and I know where it was leading. The bloating, I am hoping, was due to not having any lunch.
I want my life back now, I don't want all this going on. Enough is enough. I am sure many others know this feeling.
My friend Chrissy is coming with me, I feel like I am going to burst into tears.
I will update as soon as I get back.
Thank you to all the lovely people who have sent messages of support, I appreciate it so much x x x

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Home again.

Well, that didn't last long, thank goodness.
I have had 2 doctors look into what the problem could be. It looks like it could be the liver after all.
I had another blood test done and an X-ray on the chest.
I have been asked to go back tomorrow for an ultrasound scan as the doctors are having trouble pin pointing what the problem could be.
Siobhan stayed with me the whole time, her BF came along too.
I am hoping it is nothing too serious and it is the gall stones playing up.
Kieran is staying with his dad tonight. I am hoping I am available on Friday as Kieran has a mothers day special for mums to come in and spend some time with their child and stay for lunch. I am looking forward to this.
Thanks for all the lovely messages on facebook and phone it is very much appreciated x x.

Washing machines, cats and mummy's.

I was awake at 3:00am this morning with pain in my shoulder. I managed to get back to sleep after taking some pain killers.
I sent Kieran off to school today not before having a chat with him about how I was feeling. He said he was worried, He went off to school but they called me an hour later saying he was upset.
I have just back from the Dr's and she is admitting me to hospital with suspected pneumonia. Bit of da ja vue here, this happened this time last year.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011


Rich called me to the kitchen, the washing machine is leaking...woop di doo and la di dah!!!
It looks like it is leaking from the drum, the pipes are all fine.
I have just finished paying for it, it is 6 months old. Does nothing last these days.
Have called the warranty people and am no waiting for the elusive service man to call about fixing it.
I hope they call soon.

Bad night last night.

Me having the first cup of tea made by Kieran x

I didn't feel well at all last night, I have started the anti biotics and hope they will start working soon. I had terrible pain and was very breathless last night. I also had the shivers and shakes. I was so cold and my teeth were making such a racket.
Kieran made me a cup of tea, it was the first time he had made it. I decided to go to bed and he surprised me with the tea. Siobhan came in a few minutes later to see if I was alringt, she looked at the tea and asked if I wanted milk in it. Kieran had gone onto the internet to learn how tomake it, he must have looked up herbal tea. Siobhan took it and put some milk in, it didn't matter. Nothing better than having the very first cup of tea made by Kieran, wonderful x
Stork stayed on my bed and kept me company. He has cut his paw, he seems to be ok now, it was bleeding a lot yesterday.
I am hoping that I feel better today.

Monday, 28 March 2011

Blood test done.

GP asked for a liver function blood trst which I should have results by Wednesday/Thursday.
GP also asked if I had seen a specialist at the hospital about the gall stones. I told her I haven't seen anyone, she is referring me on.
I have got anti biotics as GP thinks I may have a chest infection too. She was asking about Theo and when I lasy had a CT scan, I told her it was February and all was stable. I also told her that the pain wasn't like the mesothelioma pain, it was in my right shoulder and went away when I felt sick and was in pain with the liver. As soon as that pain was gone, the shoulder would start again.
I am hoping that I can get this sorted out. I have another month off work. My GP also asked if I felt ill enough to go to hospital, I told her I felt I didn't need hospital at the moment.

Rich had a phone call today about job seekers allowance. It had been stopped as the DSS had told him he hadn't paid enough national insurance contributions. I wrote a letter for him to appeal it. He worked for 3 weeks before Christmas and hasn't earnt the money to pay the amount of NIC they are asking for.
Today they are refunding the money he should have had, it is being back dated, does that mean the rent will be back dated???

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Sunny Sunday.

It has been a beautiful day today. All the children are home. Kieran and Rich on their x boxes as usual!
Siobhan was going to go into town today but the wonderful public service buses that we have didn't turn up, seems about right. Unless the public transport is sorted out, no one is going to be leaving their car at home.
My right shoulder has been so painful today. I am going to se my GP tomorrow as the pain killers I have don't seem to help much. I think it is transferred pain. Will find out more tomorrow.
I am looking forward to Friday, Kieran has a mothers day special at his school. I will be going in to spend some time with him.
I will be making cards and baking and then staying for lunch. Should be a lovely day x

Friday, 25 March 2011

Another week over.

Time is going so fast, another week has gone by and, as usual, as I decide to go back to work, more medical issues land in my lap!
I had a call from Dr TOF's secretary and I am off to Taunton for the very last attempt to close the TOF on April 28th.
I hope it works, at the moment I am whistling and making strange noises through it plus it is sticking out which is making food difficult to swallow, especially crumbly food.
I went out to lunch with Jeanette yesterday, Jeanette was my escort when I went to Germany 2 years ago, well nearly 3 now!!!
I had a lovely surprise yesterday. I got home and picked up the mail, there was a pretty little dragonfly card in the envelope, it was from Trisha, Sally, Liz and David from the SCANAR program. It is a teaching website for medical students. In the little card was a voucher for M&S.
Trisha said she would send a thank you as I took part in the forum. I thought it would be £10, it was £40. Thank you so much, it was a great experience for me to answer questions set by the students about mesothelioma. I have been asked if I would take part next year, It will be a pleasure to as I am hoping this will make a difference to the students who don't know how cancer affects the patient and their families. I am hoping they will ask others as this was a first and has been a success.
On top of that, I did my shop at Tescos and did the price check online. Tescos told me I would have saved 81p at Asda and the doubled that to £1.62 and gave me a voucher. : )

I have to say a big well done to Ronny who's kidney function is much better and I am hoping she is on the mend and can take part in mesothelioma trials.
Ronny's blog can be found under the section 'WARRIOR BLOGS' on the main page under Veronica White's blog.

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

What a wonderful day x

Chrissy and I on Plymouth Hoe.
My Cheese and red onion marmalade sandwhich, yummy!!!
Ladies who lunch...... x x

The sun has been shining today, it is glorious. I went into see my friend Carolyn for a coffee this morning and them off to Lunch with Chrissy and Avis, my other friends.
We went for lunch on Plymouth Hoe. Such a lovely view.
I got home in time for Kieran who was home for around 30 minutes before getting the bus to his dads. Rich has drama tonight and is having tea with his friends at their house and Siobhan is staying with her boyfriend for a couple of days. I am on my own!!! not often that happens.
Rich cut the grass today, it needed doing.
Not sure what to do for tea, its only me so will find something to eat.
I had a nice surprise from Tescos, I did the price check online. I would have saved 81p if I had shopped at Asda so they have doubled the 81p to £1.62 and given me a voucher to use next time I shop in their store....ooohhhh...what to squander it on!!!!

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Much better today.

I had a good night last night, I hope the pain stays away. It could have been a stone that has now passed that caused all the pain in the liver yesterday.
Today is a lovely sunny day, I am going to get some gardening done. We have a lovely little garden, its a shame not to keep it looking nice.
Kieran is planning his next fund raising event. He wants to do a music marathon. This will mean he will listen to music non stop for 8 hours. He is hoping to raise money for cancer research as he is doing the relay for life again this year.
I am sure he will do well. Good luck Bean x x

Monday, 21 March 2011

Say the word "Work" and something happens!!!

Well, what a day. I felt ill this morning and nearly cancelled out on the trip to Taunton to see Dr TOF. Dr TOF showed me the CT scan and the TOF which is still open. He thinks the clip is acting like a valve as I have had a strange clicking and whistling when I breathe.
He thinks that this may also be why I am still sticking on some foods and choking on crumbs as the clip is sticking out a little.
I will be having another operation to remove said clip and placing it with another one, a smaller one.
I am hoping this one will work. This is the 3rd and last attempt as I don't want to cause stress to the oesophagus and make the hole bigger, I told Dr TOF I didn't want it to be my downfall.
I did feel a little upset when looking at the CT results as Theo, my mesothelioma, is very attached around part of my heart. It just brings the reality back into my life when I am happy not hearing about it again and again.
I am hoping to have a better night tonight as last night I was in so much pain. I have felt yukky all day but got through it. I am glad I went to Taunton and didn't leave it till another day.

Here we go again!!!

I thought it was too good to be true, I start talking about going back to work and .....BAM!!!.... something else rears its ugly head.
I went to bed last night and within an hour of going to sleep, I am woken up with pains in my right side..... I think it is gall stones again.
It was so painful. I managed to get back to sleep after I had taken a suppository for the pain.
I was awake again at 4:45am with more pain.
I am supposed to be going to Taunton today to discuss the next venture with the TOF, that looks very unlikely now.
I will see how things go as the day goes on and if I feel too unwell, I won't be going. Typical!!

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Wow .... Kieran did it!!

Well done Bean, So pleased to say the Kieran raised a massive £257 for Comic Relief yesterday.
He dyed his hair red and went off to school and had a great day.
Considering the target we wanted was £100, he did very well.
Thank you to every one who sponsored him, some monies are not in yet so it will be more I am sure.
So proud of my son for doing this for the less fortunate on our planet and am so grateful for the life we have.
For what we have we are wealthy compared to some of the images and stories from last nights TV event. Was surprised that Cheryl Cole was not involved considering she has had Malaria, where were you Cheryl??
I do think if all these so called celebrities got off their soap boxes and opened their wallets it would make a big difference to those they are raising funds for.
Well done to Lenny Henry who, it seemed to me, put his hand in his pocket and got a family a home as he didn't want to wait for red nose day. David Tennant was lovely, so emotional, I know that it is all done for the sympathy vote but it was genuine emotion.
I am so proud that the monet Kieran has raised and those who have donated will be helping so many in need.

Friday, 18 March 2011

Well done Kieran x.

Kieran has gone off to school looking very red today. I am so proud of him doing something to raise money for others less fortunate than him. He has raised £102 online and £37 in school.
Kieran is looking so grown up, he isn't my little boy anymore, He is a young man.
Well done Bean x x x He looks great with his red nose, Even Halo (My car) has her red nose!!

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Such a busy morning : )

I spoke to occupational health this morning about returning to work. The officer wants me to have an admin job as she thinks talking to people on the phone will make me more breathless and I will be off sick again.
This is going to be difficult as there aren't many admin jobs in Orange and I wouldn't have a clue where to start. My manager has been great and has offered me a job with the Blackberry team. This will be dealing with one call queue which will be a lot easier to deal with.
Next I went off to Kieran's school as he was seeing the school Dr. All is good, he is doing normal things that any 14 year old would but hasn't always got the understanding and abilities due to his autism. Saying that, he is doing very well.

I then went from school into and into town to get some more hair dye things for tomorrow. While I went shopping Halo, my little car, had a car massage. She deserves a little TLC as she is like my right arm. The car park she was in has a car wash service. She is now gleaming like a new pin : )
I came home and called my manager about work. I have to go back to my GP tomorrow to be signed back to work, if she will, on top of all that, I called Dr TOF's secretary who has asked if I will go to Taunton on Monday to discuss the next step with the TOF. .... Phew : )

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Busy day today.

Kieran went off to school with his sponsor form today. He is asking his teachers to sponsor him.

I went for a coffee with some warriors from the Plymouth support group. Ann, Pam, Ross and I met in the Dingles store in the city centre. It was good to hear about mesothelioma from their point of view. After that I went to my friend Avis's house for lunch. Chrissy, my other friend, was there too. We had a lovely afternoon.
Avis has just recently moved in and her house is beautiful, she has a tree house and a swing in the garden. She has fostered 2 children who absolutely love the tree house and who could blame any child enjoying having a den in their garden.
My right shoulder has been playing up for a few days and today was the worst it has been so far. I took pai
n killers in the end, something I don't often do.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Red nose day

Kieran has decided to dye his hair red on Friday, he is doing something funny for money.
He will have red hair in school all day.
If anyone would like to sponsor him, even if it's a £1, please use the link below.
Many thanks.
So proud of Kieran for wanting to do something to help others.

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Sunny day today.

The weather outside is beautiful today. I am having a chilled out weekend as I took my mistletoe yesterday after a few weeks of not taking it and was achy and tired all day.
Feeling much better today and have got a good reaction so I know my immune system is packing its power.

Friday I went to Kieran's assembly in the morning. It was wonderful, the older he is getting, the more embarrassed he is and I am sure there will be a time when he doesn't want me to go. I will fight my corner though and watch him.
After I saw Kieran I met my friend Gina and we visited Rob. He is doing a lot better since his stay in hospital. After that, I went home, had lunch and then out to Derriford hospital to visit Geoff.
Geoff has mesothelioma and has been seeing the Prof about his lung. Unfortunately it looks like the meso has gone to his brain. I am hoping that the results are his next scan are good.
Mesothelioma is so cruel, it has no prejudices, it attacks anyone regardless of status.

I am pleased to hear that my lovely friend, Veronica is now out of hospital and hopefully on the mend.
The forum is going well, lots of interesting questions from students studying mesothelioma. It is good for them to have the opportunity to ask questions about the disease from a patients point of view and for me to learn from them.
I hope it is done again and I am very sure I can find others who would like to take part.

Friday, 11 March 2011

BBC Spotlight South West.

BBC Spotlight are looking to interview a teacher/pupil who has been exposed to asbestos through school and is going through a claim at the moment.
If you are in the South West and are interested in being interviewed about this, can you please email me at

Thanks for your help and continued support.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Parents evening.

Well done Kieran.

Kieran's parents evening was very good, his teacher said he was a super star. He has done very well in all his subjects and is a very hard worker.
This was great to hear as he had had a few hiccups over the last week or 2 but I think that is all part of growing up and getting confident.

Today has been a lazy day, I didn't go anywhere today and chilled out on the sofa, I think I am more tired than I was yesterday!
Tomorrow Kieran's class is doing the play in assembly so I will be up bright and early to go to that. He has been getting himself ready for school the last few days as he has been a little cheeky. When I talked to him a few nights ago, he said "Blah, blah, blah, blah" so I told him he could get himself ready.
He is 14 years old and has shown that he can do it. A lot of it is about him being my youngest that I want to hold on to the baby, I have to remind myself that he isn't a baby anymore. I think most parents would relate to what I am saying.

I forgot to say, a couple of days ago I went to visit my friend, Rob, Who is very ill with brain cancer. While I was there he let my friend, Tina, and I hold an Olympic medal, a world champion medal that is!!! wow Isn't it heavy and big, those guys need muscles to hold onto that, what an honour!

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Parents evening today.

I added this picture of Amber kitten finishing off a yogurt as I thought is was so charming and cute : )

I have parents evening at Kieran's school today. His behaviour at home the past couple of days has been challenging. He wouldn't listen to anything last night, when I tried to talk to him, he kept saying Blah, blah, blah, blah.
I told him he could get himself ready for school as he is 14 now. I stayed in bed this morning, with my laptop while he sorted himself out. He did it, so he will be doing it again tomorrow.
It is probably the confidence that grows as children pass through each year of school.
I am nipping it in the bud before it gets worse.

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Pancake day!

It's that time again, pancake day. Kieran has had a pancake for breakfast today. Not that he deserved it, he was awful last night when he got back from school.
He was angry that his teacher had called and told me about an incident he was involved in.
He hasn't had a blow up like that for a long time.

Occupational health will be calling today to discuss my return to work. I think I am ready now and am looking forward to going back and seeing my friends.
I am not sure what call queue I will be on but I don't think it will be handset faults, I am pleased about that as it is a very difficult call queue to cope with as there are so many phones.

Social services will also be coming round today to discuss respite. They will suggest things for Kieran to do which I think will be good for him but know that he will say no to most of it.

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Work was good.

My meeting with my manager at work was very good. I am hoping to return in a couple of weeks if the works occupational health team say its ok to.
If/when I do return, I am hoping to go on a different call queue. No more handset faults!

Just a quick note, a couple of meso friends have had kidney failure.
Not sure if it's the treatment in Germany that is doing it or chemo in general. Please be aware.
Fighting mesothelioma is an ongoing battle. I would still like to know why treatments are so different for everyone. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.
When it is the German treatment, I fell so heart broken and I do feel responsible as I am doing well with it, as are a few others, and only want to give another option. Is there anything that will work for all of us?

Friday, 4 March 2011

Back to work soon?

Amber and Stork, looking cute as usual x

Kieran is back to school now, he was checked out by the Dr yesterday, blood pressure, heart, lungs, all seems to be fine. If he gets ill again he is to go back. I still think it is a panic attack but taking no chances when he says he is breathless and tight chested.
I am going into work today to speak to my manager about returning to work. I haven't worked since August 2009 as I had pneumonia which then turned into many hurdles every time I got better.
Radio therapy didn't help as it revealed the TOF (Tracheo-oesophageal fistula) which caused many problems.
To date, all seems well althought he procedures done on the TOF have not worked, I think it is as obstinate as I am : )

Yesterday I went to a funeral with my friend, Chrissy. Glenda, Chrissy's life long friend passed away, she was a lovely lady. After the funeral I went to lunch with Chrissy, Rachel (her daughter).
I am so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful friends.

Good luck to Ronny today, she is seeing the kidney Dr and I am so hoping that she gets some good news as she has been so poorly.
Siobhan, my baby girl, is back home today. I have missed her, I think we all have, it's the only time I get a morning cuddle from Amber : )

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Such a busy day!

Planting the Mesothelioma Remembrance tree, February 2008, notice my coat!!
The Mesothelioma Remembrance tree today.
Today, the little tree is getting bigger and I am wearing the same coat!
Snowdrops at the base ot the little tree.
A welcome cup of coffee!

My day started wonderfully and has ended the same, so far : )
I picked up my friend, Carolyn and took her out to see some kitties, we got to the place and found that opening time was 11:00am, it was 10:00am. We decided that we wouldn't waste the trip, we went to Saltram House and had a coffee. We also took the time to see the little tree planted in February 2008 in memory of those fighting Mesothelioma and those who have been lost to it. It was so lovely to see how healthy it was looking and there were snowdrops at the base of it.

I took Carolyn home after our coffee and then went on to the Mesothelioma support meeting in Plymouth. It was, again, very well attended. We discussed action mesothelioma day in July, fund raising and merchandise for the South West group. We need a logo and a name so I am going to ask my lovely baby girl, Siobhan if she can help out. If she can't. I am sure we will find someone who can.

Kieran didn't go to school today, he said he was breathless last night. Aches, pains, breathlessness, being sick.....he did all this when he was being bullied, I think it is anxiety due to the dentists. I will get him checked out, just to satisfy myself all is well but I think as parents, we all know when our children are really ill.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Wishing Ronny well..... and Chrissy's poor foot.

Positive vibes, love and strength are winging their way to my lovely warrior friend, Ronny. She is in hospital, I hope she gets out very soon. She is a wonderful lady who writes a blog and is a very talented artist. Get well soon Ronny x x x

I went to see a couple of friends today, Mandy who I have known for many years, a remarkable lady who sorts out her own dialysis at home with bags. She has to transfer fluid in and out of her kidneys around 3-4 times a day. She always has a smile. It has been so good to get in touch with her again. She gave me some snowdrops from her garden. They will have pride of place in mine.
Afterwards, I went to see my other friend, Chrissy. She had an op on her shoulder and is only able to use one arm at the moment. I offered to make her a cuppa, she was offering biscuits and didn't know that her clever son had used the heavy glass biscuit barrel and not screwed the top back on. She lifted the barrel with one hand, by the lid, when disaster struck..... the heavy glass barrel landed on her toe!.....YOWSERS!!!!
Poor Chrissy, don't think she knew what hurt more, her shoulder or her toe.

Kieran stayed home from school today, he has started the sickness routine again. He was worried about the dentist, petrified he is going to have to have another filling.
He has just come down again, with Rich, saying he is breathless. school tomorrw either!!
I will get him checked out but am sure it is all psychosomatic like last time.