Monday, 16 May 2011

CT blues again.

I went out to do a few errands this morning, arrived back home and sat in my car for a few minutes. I could have burst into tears. I felt so sad and so very very lonely although I have many wonderful people around me. They never see what is going on in my head, the trauma and fear about Theo growing again. I can't really descibe it other than total fear I suppose. I want to turn the engine on and keep driving.
I felt like this last week, I was debating about not having the CT scans anymore. I felt like that today but know I have to do this. I need to do it for my children and for other meso warriors who will be going through the same thing. I hope this will help with Prof Vogl's research and one day the treatment is done in the UK.
My biggest fear has to be that Theo is on the move and I cannot afford treatment anymore. Many have said they will fund raise but I feel so bad about doing that as I don't think anyone should have to beg to stay alive.
I would like to see the PCT paying for this, after all, I should have monies put aside for chemo in this country and haven't used it. Rant over, back to life and all that is happening this week. It is going to be a busy one.

No comments: