Friday, 30 December 2011

How am I feeling...

...After a couple of rums and a little update on facebook, I feel I want to write something, how dangerous is that!!!
I have decided my hair is going. I have had enough and I enjoy my wigs far too much, is that strange?
I can't handle all this hair dilemma, I have to let go and go out in the big, wild world as me, not hiding behind anything. Well, I am not ready. I will get the clippers on it asap!!!
I would love to get back in touch with the family I have been estranged from because I had bigger things to deal with but it is difficult. I have something huge I have to deal with and don't need the pain of criticism at the moment. I don't feel I need to justify anything to anyone, I need to keep all my strength for fighting a bigger enemy. Not the right time. Chemo is the next step, do I take it or not, I am feeling so well, I am looking at going back to work, do I really want to destroy that?
What to do, Warriors say it is good to go for alimta.....I am inclined to listen to them. So scary..... I hate mesothelioma and I hate Theo at times like this..... Just need to get away from it all!!!
Will be seeing my baby in January, how good is that, I miss him so much. Just need a hug and some love right now.... Silly cow I am!!!!

Note: I felt very lonely and scared when I wrote this last night. It has been very difficult with the family, I don't normally write about them but on this occasion I will make an exception. I have been told as far as one of them is concerned, I am dead already, also other nasty things have been said by other members of my family, also been accused of saying things on FB which I haven't, not nice things to say but to save myself the heartache, I have kept away for a reason. I am happier with things this way as I have to concentrate on being positive and don't need the negativity that some of my family bring. I will continue to work hard to educate people about the dangers of asbestos and will continue to do it in memory of my dad who should be here today. Neither of us deserved what we got. I am happy being in touch with my sister and with my children, my friends have been the best and the warriors, well, enough said, they are remarkable.
Happy new year to them all, I hope 2012 brings them happiness and love.

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