Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Feeling sorry for me self!!!

I have had so much pain over the past few days, I can't sit down properly and clothes are irritating the site. Hope it clears up soon. I have another 9 days of tablets. The pain is unbelievable, but a lot less than some people put up with.
Roll on tomorrow, I will be glad to get it out of the way, I will get my results of last weeks scan.
I have been very frightened and upset, bringing home the memories of what my darling dad went through. I know he is around me every day, I just wish I could reach out and touch him and have one of our very special chats. Why is it when these special little things happen, at the time it isn't appreciated. He did so much and was so very brave with how he dealt with chemo, if I can be half as brave as he was I will be happy.
I miss him so very much and weeks like this make it more real that I will never see him again.
I can't stop crying at the moment, I know I am going to crumble tomorrow.
I will be stronger tomorrow when I know where I stand with Theo and am hoping that when I get to my oncologists office that I can sit down. I have a lot of questions for him. One of them is having a PICC line put in for the chemo as my poor veins are not good, they don't want to play anymore and I don't blame them, neither do I.
Theo, you have a lot to answer for you bastard, I hope that your getting double of what I am experiencing and that your big ass meso butt is black and blue from the kicking you have had.

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