Tuesday, 13 November 2012

6 years of Theo.

On this day 6 years ago I was diagnosed with mesothelioma. I was given 6-9 months to live, such a shock. My life stopped on that day, I had many questions, why? What about the children? I had too much going on and I didn't want to die.
I hadn't really grieved over losing my dad, this is when I needed him the most and he wasn't there. For that I am grateful as none of this is his fault. the last thing I would do is blame him, he is a victim too and was taken far too soon.
I have felt alone and crushed with the disease. I don't have the support of those who should be there for me and I know I never will.

Since my diagnosis,  a lot has happened. I have grown stronger and learnt to ignore the bitter, nasty comments that come my way. Fighting Theo has to be one of the worst things I will ever have to go through, I have found who is genuine and who isn't and removed the negative from my life, I am much happier for doing that.
My focus is and always will be my children and next to that is fighting to live.
The negative comments give me the fuel to live, it is in my nature to fight back, I am a stubborn and obstinate person. I can't be pulled down any more than the disease does, it can bring me to my knees.
I have the biggest beast to fight so anything else is small fry.

I hope I continue on and get Theo to his teenage years. That is my aim and then there will be another target. For now I am going to enjoy my day and the joy of still being here with my children.

I know my dad was never there in the physical for me when I was diagnosed but I am sure he is around in the spiritual. I feel looked after, blessed and happy with the way things have turned out. I have a good life with people in it who I love the most and love me back. Thats all I need, and all I will ever need x x x

No comments: