Monday, 31 December 2012

Bye bye 2012.

It's the end of another year, a year that has been an adventure again. I am so pleased to have got through it. The chemo was an experience, it was a struggle but I succeeded and am here again to tell the tale.
A picture from our 2009 New years eve celebrations.

I hope 2013 is a great year for so many people, I hope they win their battles with mesothelioma, I hope we get even closer to a cure for this illness and I hope that the warriors continue to make a difference to the world.
Happy new year to everyone who reads mesothelioma and me. It is a pleasure to write this diary and to show that you can live with mesothelioma.
I am blessed, a very lucky person, I have wonderful children, great friends and warriors around the world who support me everyday. We may be miles away from each other but a few words on a screen make a lot of difference.
I feel sadness for those who won't be taking their heros into 2013.
The sky will shine brightly tonight with all the wonderful angels looking down from their stars onto their loved ones.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me this year. I look forward to continuing my jourmey with you all in 2013. x x x

Remembering our comrades.

This blog is dedicated to all those lost this year to mesothelioma and special friends who made a big difference to my life, that is why I included Joan into this band of courageous heros.
Condolences, love and strength are sent to the families who will go into 2013 without their heros.
x x x

Joe Alderuccio     -         9 January 2012
Mike Kearney      -       25 January 2012
Michael Callaghan -     26 January 2012
Keith Turnbull      -      1 February 2012
Norman Fletcher    -               June 2012
Francois Roets        -               July 2012
Joan Browne           -              July 2012
William Symons     -     25 August 2012
Dennis Michel     -   22 November 2012
Janet Huntley         - 26 November 2012
Peter Stevens       -        November 2012
George Harris      -        November 2012
Denise Sutcliffe   -        November 2012

Thoughts are also with Lisa T and Faye who lost their wonderful dads today. Such a painful time for all the families x x

Friday, 28 December 2012

Light a candle

My Warrior sister, Lise added this to my facebook page :

To my Dad and his comrades
light a candle,
see it glow,
watch it dance,
when you feel low,

think of me,
think of light,
I'll always be here,
day or night,
a candle flickers,
out of sight,
but in your heart,
I still burn bright,
think not of sadness,
that I'm not near,
think of gladness,
and joyous cheer,
I have not left,
I am not gone,
I'm here to stay
my loved one,
so when you light a candle
and you see it glow
and you watch it dance
in your heart you'll know
that I would never leave you
even when you feel so blue
I'm sitting up here with the Lord
and i'm now watching over you xx

Thinking of all our mesothelioma warriors world wide who have taken by mesothelioma x x x x

Tuesday, 25 December 2012


Thinking of all those without their loved ones today.
Such a hard day to get through, especially when it is the first one without them. Sending love and strength to each and every one of you and know that those angels are watching over us all every day.
 x x x

Monday, 24 December 2012

A warriors message.

A message was left on the tears group today, it was written by Angela, one of my lil sis's in Barrow. She and her sister Tracey, lost their dad to mesothelioma. She wrote a moving piece which I think should be shared. Thank you Angela for allowing me to add it to the blog x x

Tomorrow is a day when special memories come, some it will be your first Christmas, some this will be much further on. 
It doesn't get easier, but please remember everyone, it is only another day, but a day to make more memories with family and friends, raise a glass to your loved ones.
Raise a smile to your loved ones, they are still around us, hard for us because we cant see them, but, I know my dad will have his santa hat on, smiling with pride at how fantastic my family are, he will be so proud of all his grandchildren.
We were the reasons our loved ones fought so bloody hard, to the very end, so lets all show our loved ones we will continue to show how strong we can all be.
Keep sharing the love our shining stars showed us so well, keep making them proud, keep the memories alive, yes shed a tear as we all are so lucky to have that tear to cry, as my dad and all the other angel warriors were so wonderful. 
Don't forget we are never alone, feel the warmth around you, but dont forget make them proud. 
I miss my dad every day, every second of every second of every minute, but I OWE it to my dad, to stay happy, as he would want the smiles on his grandchildren never to disappear, and to try and be as strong as he was.

My dad use to say get a grip and one of the last things he said was too keep a grip, very similar but totally different. No one is ever alone on this page. love to you all and I hope you all manage to get through tommorow the best way you can xxxxxxxxxxxx

Wishing a very merry Christmas to one and all.

Merry Christmas everyone, Thank you to all those who have been such a great support to me. I sent out, I don't know how many, Dragonflies this year, a little piece of hope to those who are going through such a painful time. I apologise if I have missed anyone but the shop ran out of Dragonflies, thisnk I have most of them. I am sending hope to all those who need it.

My warrior friends like Tracy and Anglea, my lil sis's who make everyone smile and, at times, need a little of that for themselves. They keep up the warrior spirit. We have had a very successful Secret Santa again this year, the girls do a wonderful job of making everyone feel good, we love you girls  x x x
Other's in the team are Judith, Lise, Mary, Nicola, Kelly, Lou, Rose, Di, Jan W, Jan C (my stuff and coffee fairy) Sandra, Joanne, Angela S, Traey G, Gillian G, Vickie, Heather, Janelle, Diane, Pam, Ann, Sharon, Suzi, Suzanne, Rebecca, Debra, Ian, Robert, Chris, Emily and Stephen and many others....... All have lost someone very special but still manage to help out those still fighting.

My lovely blogging buddies, Mavis, Jan E, Tess, Heather, Linda and Steve who update most days of their journey with mesothelioma. I am so proud to be part of this team. Others who are fighting are Cher, Lou, Helen, Janelle B, Peter, Bill and Ann.  I hope 2013 is the year for a change, for a cure, for hope.

Our lovely carers Lisa G, Lisa T, Esther, Faye, Grace and all the other warriors who are fighting so hard for their loved ones. You are such brave people.

Our soldiers who march on through hell and high water to get mesothelioma and asbestos out in the public domain, Linda Reinstein, Laurie Kazan Allen, Ann, Mary H, Richard (NAH), Christine, Kat ....  They all work hard with updates. They are our power, our voice, our warrior hunters.

I would like to thank each and everyone of you, and there are many more, for all your support this year. For me it has been a tough year. 6 chemos that have, thankfully had an impact, thank you to Prof Vogl for all his work in 2008 and to Dr D for working with me on gaining some more time. A special thanks to Pat, with out whom I would not be here. She lost her wonderful Tony but found a miracle, Such a shame Tony didn't get to experience it.

To my friends who are always there when I need them, Tina, Chrissy, Wendy, Jayne, Avis, Maryann, Caitlin and Mandy. Such great people who have helped me so much, Jayne especially with her roasts and Friday night egg and chips and Chrissy for her meals she brought around. Thanks to Mandy and her husband, Dave for helping me out with searching for a new car.

Thank you to my sister, Wendy, for being with me when I had the chemo, Thank you to my children for treating me as mum and not a cancer patient. Mum's taxi, mum does the shopping and all the normal things that mums do, I love you very much.

And most of all, Thank you Theo for allowing me another Christmas with my wonderful babies, This is the best gift ever.

I hope 2013 brings hope and love to all those who are dealing with mesothelioma.We want it to be a year to remember, the year we had a cure for mesothelioma. I am going before this turns into a Hollywood speech, Have a great Christmas and love to all of you x x x

Friday, 21 December 2012

Busy day and end of an era.

At 11:11 am today, 21st December 2012, the end of the Mayan calendar has come. It is the end of an era, a whole new start, I hope that means that we will have a good year next year, more treatments and a cure for mesothelioma.

I love this cat, I want one. I don't know her name but she is such a character.

I went to Kieran's assembly this morning, this is his last one, a far cry from the one in 2006 when I broke my heart thinking this is it, I won't see this again. I was so very proud of him. His class sang "feed the world by band aid" I am so very proud of him, he is so grown up and sensible.

After the assembly I went to the Dr's, I chatted to the Dr and explained what was happening, it felt like a chest infection, I was so cold this morning and was sweating too. I have an ache down my left side were Theo resides and down my arm to the elbow. I think a nerve is involved but this only happens when I get a chest infection. I am proud to say I haven't had one since May, this was not the case before I got the TOF sorted out, it still isn't closed but I am sure it is smaller. Well done Dr TOF on a job well done : ) Theo has been very vocal over the last few days, I think he is protesting about having the chemo, tough.... shouldn't be in there!!! get your butt out and we can live happily together!!!

 Kieran and I in Plympton St Maurice church this morning.

After the Dr's I went to see my friend Mandy and give her her Christmas gift. She is a great friend, her and her husband Dave have been so helpful with helping me choose a new car, No news yet of when it will be available. We exchanged gifts, had a long chat over a cuppa and put the world to rights. I left Mandy and went home, Kieran was home early from school. His friend came over and they made Christmas cakes.
 They did pretty well, Kieran did most of the delegating while hios friend did the hard work. Sounds about right : )
They did a good job, I got a call from Kieran' s friend to say he had finished, the mixture looked really dry, they hadn't added all the eggs!!
We got that in and they poured their cakes into their baking tins.
I put them in them oven, the aroma of Christmas cake cooking is lovely. When I took them out, they looked lovely, they wanted to marzipan them today but I have persuaded them to do it tomorrow. They ar going in town tomorrow to buy some decorations for their cakes. This is so lovely to see, they both seem to be enjoying it.

 Pre- oven cakes........
..... post oven cakes.

I am going to get myself sorted and get in bed with some painkillers and a hot drink I think. Got a post apocalypse evening at Jayne's tomorrow, should be good x x

Theo's back.......

It's the 21st December 2012, the day the world ends, I am sat up in bed, all very quiet, nothing rumbling or giving any signs of ending. Theo has decided to rear his ugly, stalking head and is making himself known. I am hoping it is the end of his world and he will leave me alone, he has been very quiet for a while now, not today, he has decided that today is the day he will make me suffer. I have a slight back ache and my left arm is achy, like something resting in a nerve, it goes from my achy back to just above the elbow. I think it is a chest infection, I have a slight cough as well. I will get in touch with my Dr's surgery and get an appointment for some pain killers, I am hoping I can get an appointment for tomorrow. If not, it wil b waiting over the whole weekend and then it will be Christmas. I have Kieran's last Christmas assembly tomorrow, I can't miss that, infant I won't miss that even if the world does end.
Chest infections have been a rare occurrence since I have had treatment for the TOF, it has made my life a lot easier. I have a tube connecting my windpipe and food pipe. A wonderful Dr I'n Taunton has helped me a lot by doing some pioneering treatment. It hasn't closed it bit I am sure it has made it smaller which means less fluid gets into the lungs.
It is 2:53 am GMT, I have a cat so very desperate to play his kitty game, he is pestering me for my iPad. I am going to try and get some sleep, it one of those nights where I am afraid to shut my eyes just in case I never open them again. I will log in again tomorrow with an update about Kieran's night with his friends and how things go later today. Checking out and putting on the kitty game : )

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Happy 16th Birthday Kieran....

It is my baby's birthday today, well baby, he is a young man now. He is 16 today and I wonder often where the years have gone.
I can remember the day he was born, he was in distress and came out covered head to toe in poo.

He was a very welcome addition to our family. He has had some big challenges with his autism but has turned into the most polite and loving boy. He makes me very proud.
Kieran has raised money for charities by dying his hair red and by doing a radio marathon, he did 12 hours on the air. He helps around the house, never saying no to a chore, usually it's "in a minute" but he does it.
Have a wonderful day Kieran from one very proud Muvmuv x x x x

Monday, 17 December 2012

Wonderful surprise.

 I went to the cemetery this morning, it is my dad's 74th birthday today. I had a few tears as I told him how much I miss him. I didn't heve to wait lobg for a sign.

2 beautiful rainbows appeared in the sky outside my kitchen window, this made me feel so much better. I felt that my dad was very close. I love him so much and miss him even more. Wouldn't it be lovely if the first picture of the heart monument was true. I think I would wear out the stairs.
 Later on in the afternoon there was a knock at the door, it was the postie. He handed me a large package, I recognised the writing right away, my lil sis's in Barrow, Angela and Tracey, what have they been up to this year?? Last year I had a mug with a willy on it..... Mmmmmm....what will be in this one. I was pleasantly surprised, At first I thought they had bought me a pair of Nike trainers, No they hadn't, they had glued pictures on the front of the box. "This is something special" I thought.
 I opened it and it was like the cartoons when someone is in love, all hearts appear from the box, all floating in the air, that is how I felt. I could feel all the love and passion coming from this large Nike box. I was full of letters, cards and gifts collected from warriors. I had tears in my eyes, the messages were wonderful. If only these people knew just how much they help me get through this illness every day. How they help me to fight on and march forward, looking for a cure. Special people who have lost loved ones and still find the time to support people like me who have the disease. Their friendship is invaluable, this is my family, these are the people who care.
 I have had to fire my Christmas tree fairy as I now have a warrior star, that was in the box too. I may have found a new job for her otherwise she has to go on the social now.
 Another package arrived today as well, from my lovely friend in the USA, Polly. She is my twin, why I hear you ask??? Because we mirror each other when we get poorly, we go in hospital the same times, get ill the same times so it was inevitable we would be twins.
Polly sent me the lovely dragonfly charm, this will be going in my new car. She also sent me a tree ornament with the hugs and love sign. This is lovely.
Thank you so much my warrior friends, Jan, Dainne, Mavis, Jan E, Jan W, Jenny, Angela, Tracey M, Tracy G, Linda, Judith, Lise, Steve and Linda and of course, Miss Polly Wolly doodle in the good 'ol USA. I love you, you are amazing. I will toast my warrior friends tonight. You have brighten a sad day, thank you so much x x x

Happy Birthday dad.

My dad would have been 74 today.
He was a very young spirited man, never looked his age and was always fun to be with. He had a great sense of humour and could be serious when he needed to be. We had many hours together, he taught me how to play the clarinet, he would have little chats with me if I was feeling low, he would turn up to see me when I least expected it. He was always there for me when I needed him.
I miss all that, I miss his hugs, his smell, his smile, his laughter and this time of year, I miss the mince pies he made at Christmas.
Asbestos is so very cruel, it took his breath by giving him pleural plaques, although the managements would say that pleural plaque isn't life threatening. Maybe it isn't but it changed his life. It affected my dad with his walking. He was still very independent. I wish he was here today, I have so much I want to tell him, so much I want him to see. All that I fight for is for him. I am trying to right this wrong, no one deserves this. I am happy with my life, I would be even happier if my dad was in it x x x

 My wonderful dad and I in 1996, this was my second marraige, I was pregnant with Kieran at the time.

 This was my dad and I at my first wedding, in 1987. Such a wonderful man who didn't deserve what life threw at him.
My dad with his girls in 1963, the year he started work in Devonport Dockyard. I am on the far right, I was 4 years old.

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Catch up

It has been a busy couple of days,  Kieran went to school on Friday, he had been off for a few days. He was all excited about doing his GCSE English and seeing his friend at Dartington. He didn't get to do either, he was told he hadn't done enough work in the week for his GCSE and he couldn't see his fried, which he had been talking about for a week or so as he had no consent form. Usually the teachers ring to confirm he can go. I think we all know what children are like for bringing home letters. He was upset about both things and so was I. The reason he wasn't in school, he was being intimidated by a child at school, still ongoing, and didn't want to go until we had had a meeting as he was afraid that he would be focused on more.

After the meeting at school, I went to the Support Group meeting at Saltram, it was wonderful. We remembered those who have been lost to meso and their families.
I had a couple of chemo brain moments, I left the stickers and badges home so quickly popped back to get them. Then, I asked for 2 calendars, I had forgotten that I had already asked for 2.... what a dope..... we did have a giggle about that.

Last night I went out with my friends, we went for an Indian meal in Crownhill, Plymouth.
It was lovely, we swapped secret santa presents, We decided to get fun presents for a £1, Avis got mine, I got some star shaped Christmas biscuits and I fond a book in a charity shop called "oh boy - 1982 annual". It says on the front that it has "everything you wanna know about boys" and is full of "hunks".
We had a look through it and reminisced about how old we were then and what we had got up to. It really made the evening. I had bubble bath from my secret santa.

Today has been pretty quiet, I took down my curtains in the living room, Had them up for 3 years so we are due a change. Kieran is 16 next Wednesday, no more Bean : (
My boy is growing up so fast, I am so proud of him, he made a cheese cake last week and this week he is going to make Christmas cake. I am looking forward to that too.

I will miss Richard, my son again this Christmas, he is living in Ireland and is very happy.
He will be coming over in a few weeks, it will be wonderful to see him and his little family.
 Jayne with her magnetic photo frame

 Avis with her biccies.........
 .....and the Oh Boy book : )
 Di and her mirror

 Me with me bubbles.

 Jayne with a party popper.

And lil' ol me : )

Thursday, 13 December 2012

Support group meeting.

 Our beautiful meso tree, laden with roses in memory of all those lost to mesothelioma and asbestos related illnesses.


Jackie Lowe and I, Jackie was instrumental in getting the tree planted in Saltram.
 Candles lit by Sandra, Angela and Joanne, in memory of their wonderful husband/dad, Bill x
A wreath laid in memory of Pete Hambley x
 Jeanette, my wonderful friend who is always there for me, She is my Germany buddy.
 A rose in memory of my wonderful dad who I miss every day x
Today has been a very good day. I went to school first and then onto Saltram for our support group meeting. The meso tree looked wonderful, all the colours from the flowers lit it up. It was such a positive and uplifting image.

The meeting was wonderful, Kate, our specialist nurse, did a lovely speech about the group and what we have achieved since it was founded 3 years ago.
We have purchased a wheel chair for the chest clinic and 2 nebulisors for the local hospice (St Lukes)
It is so good to see the money, that has been raised, working.

Kate, our specialist nurse, Welcoming every one to the meeting and telling them what the group has achieved so far with the funds that have been raised.

Well done to everyone who has been involved, such a good day : )