Friday, 11 January 2013

Wide awake club

It's 3:30 am and I am wide awake. Had a few tears, I feel so low at the moment. I had a lovely day out with Tina. Had fun trying on dresses, I just feel so lonely. Night time is the worst, especially when I am feeling like this. I sometimes wish I had someone who I could share all this with, someone who would say, mums tired, talk to me.
My warrior friends are wonderful, why do they have to be scattered so far away?
I haven't been feeling that grand over the last few days, I feel selfish for talking like this as so many have been lost, I think losing Cher has hit me very hard.
Her husband is such a super star, still supporting me even when dealing with his own pain.
People are so kind, I feel guilty about being depressed, I should be happy I am still here, so why aren't I?
I am so frightened, I don't want Theo having control, I owe it to my warrior friends to buck myself up and get on with my life. I have my lovely storkie boy sat beside me, he is such a comfort to me, I know he is only waiting for the iPad to play his cat game but he does show so much affection, I will forgive him that one.
There it is, the morning rant. Now I will try and get back to sleep.


AJW4 said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling low - I know Ray has low times when he feels very depressed followed by guilt when he is still here and so many aren't, we both get frightened and I try and focus on each day and hope the next one will be better.
thinking of you

Debbie said...

Thank you, We all know the feeling don't we. It is frightening and I am the same, I wonder why I am still here. There must be a reason. I feel so lucky to be in this position, so many others would like to be as well, I am ure.